Friday, April 24, 2020
Do you ever go about your day and then, out of nowhere, get slammed with the idea that your sexuality/gender/gender expression/beliefs are so minor that the average person doesn't know of you? That the very idea someone even knows what you are/believes your beliefs/knows of your ways can brighten your day?
For those who may not know, I'm asexual as hell.
Quick definition: asexual, in the context of a sexuality, means that the person feels no sexual attraction to others. They can be sex repulsed or sexually active or somewhere in between, they can feel romantic attraction, and they can date and/or get married. They just aren't sexually attracted to someone, plain and simple.
Now, in a society whose main life plan is get laid, an education, and married, I have some major issues with simply 1) feeling comfortable in my identity, 2) keep from repressing everything that pressures me to date into my brain's storage of things wrong with me, and 3) feeling normal.
Story time! (if any of you get this reference you're my child and I love you)
From a very very young age we're all told we're going to marry a nice man/woman and have kids and it's going to be awesome.
And sure, as a young kid who had no idea what they meant by "have kids" and what exactly marriage's connotation is, I was on board with this.
Oh boy, a nice man who's basically my best friend and will.... well I don't know, live with me in a nice house? And we'll work and then go home and watch movies?? together?? I guess??? I never did understand the exact appeal of marriage, just that I was expected to want it therefore I did.
Good old brainwashing society, forcing internalized aphobia into myself and LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE IN THE GODDAMN WORLD
Yeah, trust me, I've been repressing my opinions and thoughts and feelings for years so I never noticed my doubts on marriage until sixth grade when we were taught the birds and the bees by a conservative older woman who throughly believed protection and birth control were evil things that go against God's will. AND BOY, does learning THAT reveal the hidden ace inside of you who has been so repressed down she practically didn't exist until after friends introduced a word for what she was feeling.
And just knowing that there was a word for this absence of something I didn't even realize I was missing until it suddenly fit everything I'd been unknowingly hiding, just knowing that that word exists, that made me so freaking over the moon!
But the fact that there have been rumors, hints, of TV shows and books that have ace and/or a-spectrum characters, guys I actually almost cried knowing there's a possibility that I could see someone like me on something, anything!
I didn't realize how badly I've needed to see someone with the same sexuality as me in any media until then. So, if any of you have any recommendations of books, TV shows, movies, YouTube series, or other media types with ace, aro, or other a-spectrum characters (this includes demi and gray, romantic and/or sexual), please please please comment on this paragraph with them!!
Thank you so much ahead of time, and don't feel bad if you don't have any recommendations as I know how hard it is to find any LGBT+ characters, not to mention such a small mini community we a-spectrum kiddos are.
Stay safe everyone and spend a solid minute just smirking/smiling because you're who you are and you're freaking amazing!
All my love <3<3
~Ink
