Saturday, June 6, 2020
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Pride question day 6: pet peeves
• when it's just slightly too warm in a room and I start sweating
• someone doesn't knock on my door before entering
• when people force their opinions and decisions on me
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I got into a level-voiced argument with my mom today.
It was roughly 4:40pm. My sibling asked me if I wanted to go on a bike ride with her and my mom.
I said no.
She told my mom that.
My mom replied with "I wasn't asking."
Me: I don't want to go.
Mom: yeah, and I wasn't asking.
Me: so I have the choice, until your decision overrules mine?
Mom: no, you can make your own choices, but you're going.
Me: I have rights??
Mom: you're under eighteen, so technically-
Me internally: so I have no say, no voice, because of my age? Oh, I see how it is.
Me out loud: and I don't want to go.
Mom: well why don't you want to go?
Me: I just don't feel like going.
Mom: well I don't feel like paying our mortgage, so I guess I just won't do that.
Me internally: that- um, what- that, that doesn't make any sense??
Me out loud: in the grand scheme of things, why does me going on this bike ride matter?
Mom: wHeRe iS tHiS cOmInG fRoM?!?
Me: *is very confused*
Mom: fine, you know what!? Go up to your room, stay there all afternoon, (actual quote here) "I don't want to see you".
Me: okay *walks up to my room, closes door*
Me internally: so that's how it is. I get no real say in my life. When I say "no" what it really means is for others to make decisions for me. And now my own mother doesn't want to see my face, great.
So yeah, I had a ~great~ day.
Everyone pretended like it never happened.
I seriously thought my parents were going to take my electronics away and hand out a punishment or something.
I thought everything was going to be taken from me.
But I guess I overthought it, because nothing's happened yet...
I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know why I made such a big deal out of such a small thing. I guess... I guess I'm just done with people ordering me around even after I've said no, and me following orders because of an invisible ranking system where everyone older than me or taller than me or with more money or more power can order me around like a puppet on strings.
I don't know, I don't know anymore.
Sometimes I wish it would all just stop, all this fear and worry and a twisted society where this is a thing!
I'm sorry for this outburst, I'm just done. I'm done with a lot of the bs my parents pull on me, that I'm expected to just roll with. I'm a teenager and if I'm going to be called a rebellious teen then I'm gonna at least start earning that label and start taking a stand for myself.
Gods what I would give for a hug from someone I trust right now...
Stay safe kiddos, curl under a comforter for the feeling of safety if you need it.
I love you all so much <3<3<3<3
~Ink
