Monday, May 25, 2020
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It's the small things that get to you. That break you down and nearly drown you.
It's the way someone looks at you just a little too much, like they don't approve of something you're doing or who you are.
It's the way you feel pressured to say yes to a parent or adult even if you really don't want to.
It's the way you subconsciously hide certain interests you have.
It's the way you smoothly lie about certain things.
It's the way you calculate whether it's worth to tell someone how you really feel or your real opinion on something against their friendship.
It's the way thoughts slowly build up inside of your mind, until they're no longer nothing and are actually unhealthy somethings.
It's the way you collect things, ideas, images, stuff, stories, passions, just to fill the emptiness in you that you have no idea how to fill or how it got there.
It's the way you procrastinate because you can't muster up the will to care.
It's the way you're becoming more and more apathetic but you just don't see a way out or even a reason to stop.
It's the way you throw yourself into things and then suddenly run out of motivation and feel like you failed everyone.
It's the way you lash out and five minutes act like everything's fine because some times things annoy you and you snap.
It's the way pressure just builds and builds and builds until you break down, by exploding or imploding.
It's the way you second guess yourself on almost every single thing.
It's the way everything feels like it's fine and then suddenly it's not and everything's falling and crashing down and you don't know what to do.
Because it all builds up inside, these small things that aren't really small things because they build into big things that threaten to topple you down. To drown you out. To bury you under the rubble. And they have almost done that, they've almost beaten you so many times before.
But you managed at stand up and keep going this time and all the times before, and every time it happens again you worry that this is it, this is the final wave that'll get you.
But hey, here's the thing: you survived all the ones before, and you didn't think you would. But you have and that means you can make it through the next one. Start taking steps to slow down or prevent the next wave crashing over you.
Take a risk and be open. Breath and think things through before you react. Set goals to pace yourself so you don't get overwhelmed. Create a schedule. You may not follow it all the time, but it's there to try to stay with.
Self care is a good remedy too, plan some you time. Time away from work to to relaxing things, like YouTube or shows or low stress hobbies. Take time off online to just be.
You're not selfish for wanting to take time to keep yourself from drowning, now or in the future. Please, take that time.
Stay safe kiddos, make sure to get at least 5 hours of sleep tonight.
I love you <3<3<3<3
~Ink
