jadam oneshots :')

Secrets revealed

***Angst warning*** dis is gonna be le sad. unless i wrote it bad. which i probably did but i tried lol.

James' POV
"Okay, James. I'll be right back with something to eat." I nod and look around his room. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just Adam's room. I spot his bedside table. It has a little drawer and a space underneath it. The underneath space has a charging point wear Adam has a Mac and his phone on charge. But that's not what catches my eye. The drawer is beckoning me in a way. Like I should take a peek.

After a while of back and forth in my mind I decide to open it. Yes I'm snooping. But it should be fine, right? What on earth could I find? Nothing of importance I'm sure. The drawer is pretty shallow and theres only a few things inside. One being his spare pair of glasses. I saw him wear them once and he looked like such a dork. I, of course, made sure he know this and he went so red! It was hilarious. He gets embarrassed so easily. One of the other things is one of my mini plushies. Which, why does he have one? I mean I'm grateful he bought it but like- okay...

I turn my attention to the largest object in the drawer. A notebook with a brown leather cover. I reach my hands into the back corner of the drawer, where the notebook is stowed. I open the cover to the front page and read it out quietly, "Property of Adam Ortiz. Don't proceed." Huh. I peek my head out of Adams room and look to the kitchen. Adam's whistling the tune to Life is fun while chopping some vegetables. I spot a wok (a pot typically for Chinese cooking I believe. There's a fun fact for you. Another fun fact: My uncle once made spaghetti carbonara in a wok. Like bRuH that's not what it's for-) sitting on the stove. Seems like he's making a stir fry or something which means he might be awhile.

I walk back into his room and pick up the notebook. Flicking past the first page I see a page of text and a date in the top right corner. "Twenty-second of June 2019..." I read through the first two sentences, "Here we go, start of my third journal. Let's see what happens." I skip past a few pages and stop when I see my name. "Fifth of August 2019. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I think I'm in love with James. Yes it was all just a joke! But it's become more than that for me. Of course I know James doesn't feel the same but a guy can dream, right?"

A bright blush dusts itself across my cheeks. I flick through the pages again. "Twenty sixth of December 2019. James got me such a lovely and thoughtful gift this year and now I feel like my gift to him isn't nearly as good. Plus, I can't help but feel like I annoy James sometimes. Like, okay hear me out. Maybe I'm just a nuisance to him. Maybe he hangs out with me out of pity. Which I totally get. Why would anyone hang out with me for real, right?" I skip forward again.

I can't help but notice the hand-writing on this page is messier than others. "Sixth of March 2020. James has a girlfriend. And I had no idea! His best friend. Maybe it's because he doesn't trust me. Not only that but this means I have no chance. No chance to win him over. Not that I'd try but, still. My point stands. He doesn't like me and that's that."

A few pages after that is another sad entry. "21 March 2020. Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. There's no point. I don't have anything to offer the world and the one person I love has a girlfriend. My life is just so pathetic. I bet nobody would even notice if I just," I notice messier writing on the last word, "...disappear."

Oh my gosh... I skip all the way to the most recent entry. "20 June 2020. James is coming over to hang out today. Finally something that'll make me happy. It's been awhile so I really hope I don't mess up. Maybe I can impress him? No, that's dumb. I shouldn't aim to do that. I should just focus on having fun with my best friend. Cause that's all we're gonna be."

I'm about to go back and read some more when I hear Adam rummaging trough the cutlery drawer. Shoot. He's gonna be back any moment now! I quickly slam the book shut, shove it back into the drawer and push it closed. I sit down on his bed and grab out my phone to pretend I was doing something else. "I made us stir fry!" Adam walks into the room cheerfuly and passes me a bowl of the food he'd prepared.

Adam starts talking about a funny twitter thread he came across but I can't stop thinking about what I read. Is he really that sad? Why didn't he tell me? I mean I didn't tell him about *insert girlfriend name here* so maybe I shouldn't expect him to tell me. And he likes me?? Did I not realise? I thought it was all fun and games! Maybe that's part of what made him sad. I'd be upset too. It must've felt like constant teasing. Should I tell him I read his diary? Is that even a good ide- "Adam, I read your diary." His fork falls out of his hand. "You did what!?"

Adam stares at me, his face pale, as if he'd seen a ghost. "How much did you read??" I shrug and poke at my food. "Just a bit... enough for me to know more than I should." Adam places his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, dude. I just... was curious."

Adam slowly takes his head out of his hands and stares at his food. "Curious huh? Yeah, curious?? Well maybe you should take your curiosity somewhere else!" I look closer at his face and see tears streaming across his cheeks. "A-adam... let's talk about this-" His head whips towards me, "What? Talk about what? How you breached my privacy? Shall we talk about my un-dying love for you when we both already know you don't love me back!? Or- or shall we talk about how broken I am, hm?? Does that sound fun!?" Adam clasps his hands together and smiles at me in the most unsettling way I've seen anyone smile.

I stare at the bowl in my lap. "I'm really sorry, Adam." Adam sighs and shakes his head. "Sorry doesn't cut it, James." The room fills with an uncomfortable silence. "Is there... anything I can do to make up for it? I don't wanna lose you." Annoyance is visible on his face, "You can start by stopping. Just... stop rubbing salt in the wound."

I nod trying to play it cool, but I can already feel tears welling up in my own eyes. It's silent again until Adam gets up. "Let's just pretend this never happened..." Not wanting to hurt him anymore I simply nod and agree. Adam places his barely touched bowl of stir fry on the bench. I place mine next to his before we both sit down on the couch.

"Wanna watch Maaz's new video?" Adam grabs the remote opening YouTube. I hum still agreeing to whatever he says. From what I've gathered Maaz is just gonna be drawing twitter requests.

Six minutes in I notice Adam nodding off. "Alright, next request is... Oh my god! This is gonna be great-" Maaz starts drawing some circles. Adam rubs his eyes and looks back to the tv screen. After a minute Maaz explains what he's drawing."So- thatoneweirdpotato requested..." Maaz pauses. "James x Adam!" He starts laughing but neither Adam or I laugh along. After a second of staring at the drawing Maaz is showing off Adam scrambles to grab the remote. After failing to turn the tv off he gets up and pulls the plug from the wall. Adam drops the cord and drags his hands down his face.

"Maybe you should go..." My heart beat speeds up. What if this is the end of our friendship? I don't want that! "O-okay... Should we catch up next week?" Adam shakes his head, "I think it'd be best if we just... don't talk anymore." Tears start to emerge again. "Wh-what?" "It's just gonna be awkward. You know that." No. No I can't lose my best friend! "B-but what if I said I love you?!" Adam sighs. "I'd say it's bullcrap." I blink a few times. This can't be happening- Adam walks to his door and opens it. "It was... nice being your friend, James." Hesitantly, I get up and walk out the door. I stand on his door step and look at Adam. He frowns and closes the door, ending our friendship for good.

*cOuGh*

okkaaaaayyyyy. Das an oof

...

I've still been feeling pretty guilty about what happened on the stream and whether I've done the wrong thing in respecting James and Adam.
I really love their friendship and the last thing I wanna do is make them uncomfortable.
Imma keep writing these stories here because it is very very near impossible for James or Adam to see these so I feel pretty confident that they won't see.
I did post some Jadam art on a fan account I have but I'm gonna stop doing that because I feel like it's more likely for them to see it.
Anyway, yes. That's what I've decided to do.
Im still worried and I still feel bad but let's hope I do the right thing here.
James and Adam have an awesome friendship that I'd hate to ruin.
So yeah...

K bye guys-