Confessing

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yuh uh huh yeah okay *deletes venting* mm uhuh yeah lets go

So it's me? Me that Jameson loves? I can't say I'm surprised. After all, everyone sees the way he blushes around me. 

He asked me out in private but somehow everyone knows that I told him I need time. I just didn't know what to say when he told me. 

A couple of friends have blown up my phone, asking if his feelings are mutual. 

Seeing them so confused makes me smile, because I know that means I hid my feelings well.

I was concerned that anyone at any moment would pull me up on anything I did. 

Not only do they not know whether I like Jameson, but they don't even know whether I like guys. To me, that's an absolute win. Not having to come out till the very last second.

You could say I'm a procrastinator. I'll procrastinate as long as I need to to keep myself safe.

Safe from harm and safe from ridicule. 

But I suppose now that Jameson has confessed I should tell him. 

Right?

What would a relationship with him look like?...

I suppose a lot like our friendship.

Hanging out, having fun and lifting each other up.

With a good amount of affection throw in too. 

God I really do wanna kiss him. I always have. 

So I guess that answers my question for me. I should definitely tell him.

I pick up my phone and open our messages, staring at the screen for a moment. 

Should I really just message him? There's probably a more... romantic way of doing this... right?

I close my messages with James and text a group chat with Chris, Zach and I. 

A: sup bois
Z: Sup loser
A: i need some advice
C: Advice? What on? 
C: How to make good content?
Z: Lol
A: haha. very funny
A: but no
A: i need to tell someone i love them 
C: Ooo Adam's in loveeee!
Z: Who's the lucky lady?
A: who said it was a lady?

I watch the boys read my message and go quiet for a minute. 

Shit. This is exactly why I don't like coming out.

Eventually, Chris starts typing.

C: Yo fr?
Z: Yeah are you being legit?
A: yeah
A: you got a fricking problem?
A: cause if you do i don't give a crap
A: i don't need you guys
C: Woah dude chill.
Z: Yeah chill. I can feel you lashing out through the phone

I sigh, thoroughly annoyed at myself.

A: right sorry
A: habit
C: Aight then.
Z: But dude its fine 
Z: Who is he?
C: Yeah! Who're you in loveee withhh?

I try to write James' name multiple times but can't seem to tell them. Should I say more than just 'James'? Should I say 'it is' before his name?

Z: How long is this person's name? You've been typing for ages.
A: right sorry
A: its James

As soon as I send the message I regret everything I've ever done. 

C: Wait really?
Z: What about all the times you said that the whole idea of you and him was weird and such?
A: i dunno
A: hiding it i suppose
C: Damn, well you did a good job.
C: Jeez.
Z: Yeah
C: Wait so what did you need advice on again?
A: i need to tell him
A: im just not sure how
Z: Do you know if he likes you?
A: he does
A: he told me the other day but i told him i needed time
C: Wait what? But you knew you liked him?
A: yeah 
Z: Why didn't you confess straight away?
A: i dont freaking know!
C: Dude chill out!
C: So, if you know he likes you what do you need help with?
A: how i should tell him
A: i was gonna text him and tell him but that doesnt feel... i dunno
A: good enough for him
C: Aww! Thats so sweet!
Z: Love is disgusting. Jesus Christ. 
Z: Do you think he gives a shit how you tell him?
C: Stfu Zach
C: It's sweet that he wants it to go nicely for him
Z: Yeah whatever

I smile as the two argue and keep reading what they're saying.

C: So, I don't think it matters too much but clearly you want this to be nice
A: yeah
A: he means the world to me
C: God stop! You're gonna give me a heart attack.
C: This is so fricking cute!
C: I say you should head to his place and just tell him in a heartfelt speech.
C: Just like the movies.
Z: This is real life Chris. Speeches don't just happen like that.
Z: He'll need time to prepare it and I doubt James is doing well simply not knowing how Adam feels.
C: Well what do you propose he does it then?
Z: I say you go to his place
Z: March up to his door
Z: Tell him nothing
Z: Then start making out with him
C: ZACH WTFFFF-
Z: It's not any worse than your idea
A: i think somehow that helped
C: What?? You're actually kidding me right now
Z: Hah! Get rekted!
A: thanks so much you two
C: Anytime <3
Z: Yeah anytime coward

I chuckle and switch my phone off, a rough plan forming in my head. 

-

I walk up to Jameson's door and stand in front of it, taking a deep breath.

I've got this. I already know he feels the same so this should go smoothly. 

I take one last breath and knock on his door. There're a couple of light footsteps that get closer before James eventually opens the door.

He opens the door and the second he sees me, his face turns a bright red. 

"O-oh! Adam! Why're... wh-what're you doing here?" He stutters and trips over his words, trying desperately to act casual. I almost want to go with Zach's plan. 

I open my mouth by quickly give in.

I'm going with Zach's plan.

I take a swift step forwards, wrapping an arm around James' waist and dipping him down slightly. 

"A-Adam? What're you-" I quickly press my lips onto his with a smirk on my face.

James stares at me with wide eyes for a couple of moments before closing his eyes and pushing his lips onto mine, returning the kiss.

I smile and close my eyes too.

Not moving my lips from James' I kick his front door closed with my foot and comb a hand through his hair. His soft, fluffy, adorable hair. 

I lean back from James and carefully step him through his house, still holding him closely, before sitting down on his couch.

I hoist James onto my lap and smile at him before softly pressing my lips to his once again.

When I pull away, James smiles back, "So... you..." "Yeah. I do," I finish his sentence for him, kissing him again, though I'm sure it won't be the last time today. 

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