GENERAL X (Author's Reco)

Trying

JENNIE

We've been married for a year now. Lisa has still been courting me even if I am already her wife. She keeps sending me flowers in my office, preparing breakfast for me in the morning, bringing me to unexpected dates. We've been watching gigs in Itaewon and Hongdae on weekends.

And we have been trying to get pregnant.

Lisa is so busy at work but still makes up to me. I have been busy of going in and out of the country for my clothing line business and yes, I also make sure that I am going to give her the lovemaking she deserves before I leave and when I come back.

But why aren't we blessed yet of what we really desire for.

Lately I have been questioning myself why am I not still bearing a baby in my womb? Is there something wrong with me?

I went to the Doctor to have myself checked and nothing's wrong with me. Lisa also visited her Doctor to make sure if she really can produce and the Doctor said, she is healthy and very much able. Our Doctors advised us to have a vacation so we can get away from stress at work for a while and focus on having a baby. But Lisa and I can't just easily leave our jobs. Especially her that a lot of crimes are starting to bloom in South Korea now. This is all because of dirty men in Politics who let illegal strangers to enter our country.

There were times that I really get sad because I am not yet pregnant. God knows how I let her fuck me anytime she wants and most of the time it's me asking for her to make love with me.

"Love, are you okay?" She asked me one time when we're having dinner.

I really feel down when we passed by at a store inside the mall with baby stuff on it. We also saw families with their babies and it really crushed my heart. I want to have a baby with her. I want to make her feel that she has a real family. I want to give what she wants, and that's to have our own product of love.

"Lisa, I am sorry." I told her while we're eating at a Greek restaurant. My tears are already starting to fall.

"Baby, why are you saying sorry?" She sat beside me and hugged me.

"I saw how your eyes were so eager to have a family and I can't even give you a child. We've been trying for a year now and I am not yet pregnant." I sobbed. As in I sobbed inside the restaurant.

"Love, this is us. We're together on this. Please don't blame yourself. No one is to blame here.  Look, if God really wants us to have a baby, he's going to give it to us on the right time. Jennie, please know that whatever happens, I am yours and I am here for you. We will keep on trying. Please don't feel bad. Do you want me to take a leave from work so I can focus on you alone? I'll go with you on your trips, love." She hugged me tighter and this hug really makes me calm.

"Love, no. I know you have a lot of responsibilities at work. I will be okay. As long as you're with me, I will be okay." I told her and she kissed me in the forehead.

I am still worried. What if one day, she decides to leave me because I can't bear a child? What if she looks for other woman who can give her a family. But one thing  that makes me so lucky, she never failed to make me feel good. She always make me feel she loves me despite of our eagerness to start a family.

Lisa decided to take a leave from work for a month and asked me to take a leave as well. She planned to take me to Bali and live there for a month so we can't get away from stress for a while. I agreed and we decided to spend our wedding anniversary there.

It's a month full of love and stress free moments. Just Lisa, I, beers and the beach! We even took yoga classes by the beach together in the morning and make love at night. Everyday. We're really persistent to have a baby. We also joined traditional Indonesian activities so our nerves can try something new that would refreshed our souls.

We had to cut our trip short to three weeks because there was a bombing inside a building in Korea and Lisa has to be there. Our country is not really safe without the General X. She doesn't want to come back at first but I insisted. I know the fact that Lisa is not only married to me, but to her work too as well. I know her responsibilities and I don't want her to just focus on me and leave everything behind. She is the Chief  and we all need her for our country's safety and I don't want her let go of that because of me.

Everyday became so stressful for her. The bombings stopped, the stealing ceased, but the killings are nonstop. Well, Lisa said, we can't really control the minds of those killers. Every time she arrives home, I make sure that she can eat good food and I pamper her by giving her a massage. When I'm not in the country, I make sure I call her before she goes to sleep and when she wakes up in the morning.

If I could only make her stress go away in a snap, I really would. I really would. I can't take every time she tells me she's giving up as a Chief. There were times that she felt pressured because everything is in her hands. Every decision comes from her, and one wrong decision will be the death of her. I never stop encouraging her and making her realize that she can make it. I reminded her to rest but not to quit as what she always tells me before.

I will work harder. I will also take over her commercial building business as he can't handle it well anymore. I will make sure our businesses will keep growing well so when the time comes she really wants to step down from being the Chief, I can assure her that she has something to go back to. I am her wife and I am here to support her and help her all the way.

Sometimes I really feel bad would give comments about her on her job. Like if something fails, they say something bad about Lisa's performance. But stupid people don't even thank her for the million times she has ever done to save this country from shame. They never even thanked my wife for saving their lives. I am the one who's mad because I am the one who see the real Lisa when we're at home. They pressure her. They make her sick. I am her wife and it's my responsibility to take care of her physical and mental health.

I always talk to her to make sure she is expressing her feelings. Sometimes she would not tell me because she doesn't want me to worry, but as the woman who made a vow to her, I must be the Jennie who loves her with all my heart. And that means, I should not only be around when she needs someone to fuck, I should be around when she needs a friend. I am Lisa's therapy. I am the cure to her tiredness. I am her wife and I love her so much that I don't want her to lose herself just because of those stupid people who don't do any good to her.

Because of my eagerness to build security for our future, I accepted more collaborations from big brands and there are times that I have to stay for two weeks straight in a specific country. I noticed Lisa is already getting upset every time when I'm not around and if I am, she find me really tired from work. She even scolded me already for working so damn hard. She said, she can secure our family's future even if I decide not to work anymore. But of course, me, being the hardworking Jennie, won't let that happen. I want to help her. This is us.