(18+) RED (Complete)

Ch. 28: Cleaning the air

What on earth happened? What did I do? Why did I ruin everything? How did I ruin everything?

"God, this is so fucked up," I cried into my hands. I barely felt the cold ground under my knees, because I was too consumed by the realization that I was the biggest hypocrite of them all. I hadn't been honest with him. Heck, I hadn't even been honest with myself. I just played along because I thought it was right, and now I'd hurt Benjamin because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to even consider any consequences at all. I didn't deserve him. He was way too good for me and my pathetic life.

I stared at the sharp pebbles underneath me, and for some reason my hands were so cold that they were pale. But the reason I was shaking wasn't because I was freezing. It was the heavy sobs that slowly tore my heart apart, and emotions, that tore through my muscles like they were trying to torture me. I deserved that. Every single second of it.

"Mia?"

The sound of footsteps made me turn around even before I heard the voice, but it was first the second time I heard the person call my name, that I realized who it was.

"Mia, I..."

I reacted so quickly that I got dizzy from standing up too fast. But I had tunnel vision. I could only see Michael, and the rest of the world was gone. Milliseconds felt like light years, and every movement I made was slow like I was caught neck deep in thick mud. There he was. The man who had haunted my dreams since I met him almost a year ago. His gorgeous brown eyes. His long, black and insanely soft curls. His perfect smile. His loving arms that were open for me at this very moment.

"You...!" I mumbled. And as soon as my body made contact with his...

...I started hitting him.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I HATE YOU!"

I yelled and cried while I hit his chest repeatedly, and he just stood there. Like a pittoresque statue, he accepted every slap from my hands against his chest, and the hurt in his eyes pissed me off. He wasn't entitled to be the victim in this. He was the reason why my life was a complete mess, and I wanted him to know that. But eventually I grew tired and let my frustration turn back into raw sobs. So I turned away with my shoulders slumped and head hanging low.

Michael tried to grab me and pull me back, but I shook myself loose.

"Mia, I'm sorry."

I sniffled and laughed shortly, knowing that it just sounded like another sob.

"What are you even sorry for?" I asked.

"For everything that happened. I didn't m..."

"We weren't even together, Michael! We never were."

"I know, babe, I was going to ask you that night. I really wanted to be with you."

"Don't call me that! I'm not your babe!"

"But I still do! I want to work this out so we can at least be friends again."

"What for? You ruined that chance when you fucked Gabby. Or did you forget about that? Because I can't. It keeps playing on repeat in my head until I want to run into the nearest wall just to make it stop. I keep seeing you with her... Do you know what that did to me? Did you even care about how that made me feel?"

I blinked away a few tears and started walking towards our porch. What was the point of even discussing this? What happened happened, and there was nothing no one could do with that.

"I know, and I'm sorry! But you never gave me the chance to explain. You didn't answer your phone, you didn't reply to my letters, you blocked me on every platform there is. I didn't know what to do," he reasoned and jogged up behind me when I started walking up the five steps towards the door.