(18+) RED (Complete)

Ch. 41: Like embers after fire

I told her that I missed her, but she didn't say it back. I told her I wanted to kiss her, and the way she zoned out told me more than if she'd just said a simple 'no'. What happened before had already ruined it. Months had passed and I was clinging to a sliver of hope, but I guess this was it.

I had tried so hard to come up with something that would make her birthday special, and I know she had a great time. I could hear it in her voice when she laughed, and see in her eyes when she looked at me. But it wasn't enough.

I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, I wanted her back more than anything, and more than just as a friend, but how realistic was that? And out of the many times I'd wanted to kiss her tonight, she turned me down at the most honest one. I didn't plan to say it like that. I didn't plan to push her at all, but it just happened in the heat of the moment. This girl had me wrapped around her finger, and she didn't even know it. And that was the truth.

My eyes were burning when we said goodnight and I saw her disappear into her tent. How stupid of me to believe it was just to take her out or buy her things to win her over! She wasn't like that, and she'd made that perfectly clear. But I didn't know how else to show her how I felt. And now that I thought I'd finally found a way back to the Mia I knew, she left with annoyance in her actions. How much clearer could it be? She didn't want me, and after she left tomorrow, I would probably not see her again. This was really it.

I gave up on holding my tears back after I'd pulled off my shirt and pants, leaving only my t-shirt and boxers, and I slumped down on the bed in defeat. My heart was screaming for me to walk over to the other tent and kiss some sense into her, but there was no point in that. I'd only make a fool of myself. So I laid down instead, and let my tears flow.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't register the presence behind me. Mia was standing in the opening of the tent and hesitated a bit before she came closer. She made a little sound, but I'm not sure what she said. Then she just stood there in silence. Should I turn to face her? She'd definitely notice I was crying and start asking questions. Maybe she was there to finally talk about what kept her from me? I knew everything was a mess, and that I'd made the stupidest decision ever when I chose to go through with that threesome. Mia didn't deserve that. No matter how drunk I was, it was no excuse. I should have known better.

I heard her mumble something that sounded like "Get a grip", and it made me chuckle on the inside. Still, I barely dared to breathe when I felt a dip on the mattress, and the shift of weight when she lied down. Maybe I should show her that I was awake? Or would that be creepy? Maybe I should pretend I just woke up?

Somehow I felt like I was running out of time, and fast. I wanted to know the reason why she came, but I was worried that she would be scared and run away again. So I kept pretending to be asleep, and did the only thing I could to make her stay. I turned around and wrapped my arm around her, and I made sure that the duvet didn't create a barrier between us. No matter what happened from now, I needed this, and I was selfish enough to grab whatever chance I got just to feel her close. To pretend she was mine. If only for a little while.

I listened to her breathing for a while and tried to relax. I still pretended to sleep, because I was terrified that she would feel pressured to talk, and right now that would ruin our extremely fragile moment. A moment that turned into minutes, that probably passed half an hour or more. And when I was sure she was asleep, I pulled her closer to my body as if I was trying to become a part of her. If she woke up, I would try to excuse myself and tell her she was cold. And that wouldn't even be a lie, because she truly was.

This was what I'd been wanting and needed ever since the first time I met her. Getting to know her without my fame being in the way, gave me a unique possibility to see the real her, the one she'd probably never let me see otherwise. And the sassy way she responded to my bold texts, had me falling for her way before I even realized.