(18+) RED (Complete)

Ch. 48: Facing fears

Benjamin and I entered the schoolyard together, like we usually did. I felt nervous as hell. No. Nervous didn't cover it. I was trembling like a leaf and fighting against the cold fist that tightened in my gut, and that made it harder and harder to breathe. I didn't want to bother Benjamin, since he seemed lost in his own world, probably also anxious about how everybody would react to us after all that happened. So to distract myself enough to even manage to walk through the doors and into the giant foyer, that right now felt like it fitted a whole fucking universe, I thought of Michael.

If Michael was here, he would hold my hand and probably tease me about how sweaty it was. Maybe he would tickle me when we hugged, just to make me laugh. I doubt I would be able to do that right now, no matter how hard he tried, but a smile perhaps? He would probably tease me about that too, and add one of his typical mischievous comments while he flashed his most innocent smile to people around.

A faint smile crept onto my lips, but disappeared like a ghost when what felt like thousands of eyes hit me like pointers from lasers ready to fire the last, fatal shot. I didn't dare to seek comfort by holding Benjamin's hand. There were enough speculations as it was. All I wanted was to get to my locker and get ready for class as fast as possible. But of course...

"Hey, Ben. Y'kay, man?"

Tim and Yak stopped us, and tried to shield us from most of the stares by turning their backs against the crowd and talking to us with lowered heads and hushed voices. I almost felt angry at them for doing so, because every single person here knew anyway. And I'm pretty sure every little detail about Ryan and I was debated down to the sickest fragment, each with a new twist to the truth.

I didn't listen to their conversation. My mind was everywhere and nowhere at once, until I was pulled out from my dreadful daydream by a soft hand on my arm.

"Mia? Did you hear me?"

I swallowed and tried to make my mouth work. It was so dry, it hurt to talk.

"They're gonna have a meeting in the first period."

"A meeting?" I stuttered, and Ruby gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah. About... You know."

"They're gonna talk about it in front of the class?"

Ruby bit her lip and her eyes flickered shortly.

"Not the class. We're gathering in the arena in ten minutes."

"What do you mean 'we'?"

"The whole school."

Like I was struck by lightning, it felt like all the blood was drained from my body. The world was spinning and my throat tightened, and the air was so thick that it was impossible to inhale, nor exhale.

"Breathe, Mia."

Oh, if someone could give me a dollar for each time people told me that in the middle of a panic attack, I'd be filthy rich. Why couldn't they just understand how difficult it was?

"Mia, listen to me," Ruby said, and someone else pulled me away together with her. Frida.

"It'll be okay, girl. You know why they have to do it, right?"