'where we are now' remus lupin & regulus black

Pleaser

"Back in your room remain the words I want to say to you but couldn't leave my mouth. Does it come as a surprise? Language of averted eyes, silence is what I do best. Still, I hear it wasting time around my head so I talk to myself instead,"

SIRIUS BLACK

"You're stunning...love." Shit, I forget this girls name. That's a new level of low, even for me.

This is usually what happens after we fight. He goes off to the Library and I go off and find a new girl to shag. Though, Evans doesn't usually follow him out of the great hall.

She giggles happily and climbs onto my lap not breaking the kiss. My lips move against hers rhythmically as she grinds her hips against me.

What were we even fighting about? Oh, yeah. I'm "Scared" of my own emotions and that's why I won't open up. Scared? Bloody hell that's ridiculous, scared?

I huff and flip so the blonde now has her back against my neatly made bed. She lightly gasps in surprise while fumbling with the hem of my shirt. Suddenly, Remus' angry face appears in my head. "You're so worried so much about your reputation and what others will say that you won't allow yourself to be happy." I kiss the girl with more force earning a quiet moan.

Get out of my head.

"I'm not afraid to admit how I feel for you, Sirius"
I finally help her pull my shirt over my head. Has he ever considered that maybe I just don't have feelings for him? Of course he has. Or else he wouldn't have said, "Maybe you'll only ever see me as someone you snog when drunk."

Get out of my head.

His disappointed tone won't stop ringing in my fucking ears. What does he want me to say? That i'm in love with him and have been since we were kids? That I need him by my side and when he threatens to leave I fall apart? That I don't know my own feelings so I have to fuck with his?

Get out of my head.

I break away from the girl, "I'm really sorry..."

"Ashlynn," She informs me while straightening her yellow tie. I think I would have remembered if I wasn't so distracted.

"Ashlynn. But I have to go" I finish my sentence.

Her large doe eyes look up at me, "Did I do something wrong?"

I'm such a piece of shit. Leaving this beautiful, sweet girl to go find Remus. Not even having a clue what I'm going to say to him. How is it that I hurt people left and right without even trying?

"No, no, no," I rush out while putting my shirt on, "I just remembered I have to do something."

She nods and begins slipping on her low cut white sneakers. I almost don't feel too bad for leaving her like this, she seems to pure to be hooking up with me anyway.

"Will I ever hear from you again?" Ashlynn asks within a low chuckle.

Her voice holds something only James has; hope.

No, she won't hear from me again.
I didn't even know her bloody name.

"Possibly," I smirk. I put my wand in my robe pocket and swiftly exit the dorm.

I hurry out of the common room simultaneously ignoring James and Peters claps and howls of proudness. I cant focus on them. I have to find Remus. I have to tell Remus... I'm sure i'll figure it out when I see him.

My dress shoes click against the cobblestone floors aggressively as I approach the Library. It's almost completely empty. Excluding, Marls and some girl flirting at a table in the front.

Oh, to be as fearless as Marlene McKinnon. The embodiment of a true Gryffindor.

I circle around and hear a familiar laugh. A breathy, genial laugh, one that diffuses warmth and light, Cordelia Evans laugh.

Quickly, ducking behind one of the bookshelf that secludes the table, I hide myself. I pull one of the books off the dusty shelf and peer through the crack.

Remus and Cordelia are sitting on opposite sides of the table, leaned in with grins on their lips.

My whole face scrunches. First, he leaves Petey alone in this hospital wing and now this?

This girl is going to ruin everything.

"Spying, are we?" someone ask amusedly.

I let out a relived sigh when I see the gleaming smile of Marlene.

"No, just reading up about—" I look at the cover of the book I pulled, "—Fertility charms."

She gives me an unconvinced glare, taking the book from my hands and crouching down next to me.

"Tell him how you feel!" She exclaims quietly.

Marlene is the only one who knows anything about what goes on between Remus and I. Whatever that may be. I told her drunkenly in confidence, presumably because she's openly gay.

"Well I would Marls, If I knew." I say dryly.

Marlene rolls her eyes and takes a turn peering through the crack.

"She's quite pretty," she observes, "That's Lily's cousin right? Do you happen to know if she likes girls?"

I let out a barking laugh, "Are you not with a girl right now?"

She smirks, "I'm a dog when it comes to the ladies, what can I say?"

"Merlin, you've been spending far too much time with me." I point out. She grunts as she rises back to her feet and offers me her hand.

"Do it soon, Sirius—" I grab her hand, "—Rem is kind but not soft. He won't wait on you forever." Marlene says pulling me up.

I look to the floor and nod feeling ashamed. I was just stalking my best mate and his potions partner. He was right, the thought of walking around with him hand in hand does scare me.

"From what I hear, she plays for both teams." I tell her trying to lighten the mood.

Marls chuckles quietly and puts her hands on either side of my face, "You two will work it out, I know it." she assures me.

But as I hear another set of laughs coming from their table I can't help but think, will we?

Song: Pleaser by wallows (linked at top)