'where we are now' remus lupin & regulus black

Spirits

"I've been looking at the stars tonight and I think, oh, how I miss the bright sun. I'll be a dreamer till the day I die. And they say, oh, how the good die young. But we're all strange, and maybe we don't want to change."

Gatsby purrs happily in my lap as I stroke his jet black fur. The drizzling rain sprays the dorms windows lightly and the dark clouds act like a thick blanket covering the moon.

During dinner time I got hit with an intense wave of sadness. The kind you can't explain but makes your chest hollow. This happens often. I could be anywhere perfectly content and this dreadful feeling will just sneak up and attack when i'm totally defenceless.

I should never have left my dorm that night.
I knew it was risky. I knew the forbidden forest is forbidden for a reason.

I'd do anything to change what happened. I'd do anything to know what happened.

There haven't been any flashbacks since the full moon and the mystery is driving me crazy. I suppose I can wait until the next full moon and pray for one to come. Or, I can ask Dumbledore if preforming the Legilimency charm will allow him to see the lost memories.

Checking my watch I realize I still have an hour until curfew. Carefully lifting the scrawny cat off my legs, I leave my comfortable bay-window spot.

"Where you off to?" Iris ask, eyes glued to her magazine.

I can't say Dumbledore without raising suspicion and I can't say a walk or she'll want to come.

"I think i'm going to find Lily." I decide to tell her.

She puts the magazine down and sits up on her bed completely, "Shit. You going to be okay alone?" Her face is swarming with concern thats only making me feel more terrible for lying.

I'll tell her the truth soon.

"Yeah," I give a reassuring smile, "Have the firewhiskey ready when I get back. Just in case."

I throw on a dark blue jumper that I stole from Amos and head out the door.

☽☽☽

As I walk down the corridors, my brain starts to go on another one of it's spiralling fits.

My birthday is soon, four days to be exact and I have no plans at all. Right now, a birthday party isn't exactly a pressing matter. I should focus on other things like, speaking with Dumbledore.

However, my birthday has always been something I love to celebrate for one reason and one reason alone; attention.

Dad always threw me large lavish birthdays when I was younger and to this day, there's no better feeling than knowing everyone is partying for you. No better feeling than knowing you're the reason everyone is having fun.

Granted, the the parties Iris and I throw for my birthday are different than the ones he did, but I still think he'd be proud.

I just think it's funny how around the same time last year, this was my biggest concern.

I don't even process where I am until a shrill voice asks, "Password?"

I'm outside of the Gryffindor common room. What the actual fuck? I need to stop zoning out when i'm walking.

"Password?" she asks again.

"Uh, I'm actually here to see someone."

I am?

"Okay," The fat lady says blandly, "what's the password?"

"Obviously," I say in a sickly-sweet tone, "I don't know."