'where we are now' remus lupin & regulus black

Watercolor eyes

"Why you always doing that?"
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The hospital wing is quiet besides my shallow breaths and the sounds of my knife hitting the chopping board. "Like this?" I ask, slicing gillyweed so thin it looks like blades of grass.

"Exactly," Pomfrey commends, looking over my shoulder. I've finally decided to accept Pomfreys offer to start working with her. It's been nearly a week since I've started and I dont know how she managed without me. Theres always so much to be done. Medical mircles in a vile that need brewing, bones that need mending, incurable headaches to be cured. Of course, when I mention this to her she just says, "You can always manage alone, Cordelia. You just manage better with someone else,"

My knees feel a bit weak and I feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead. The full moon is a few days away, and my body is feeling the effects. Honestly, if I wasn't so afraid of disappointing Pomfrey, I would've told her I felt too queasy to work today.

And my brain keeps wandering to how much I miss Regulus and how much better I manage with him.

We've decided that we won't be seeing each other until he returns from seeing his parents. Until we know just how much they know. I still get potions class, and for now, that's enough for me.

We talk about the lesson and the instructions and when the conversation begins to get a bit too familiar, a bit too friendly, it ceases abruptly. He says he's on the verge of proving a theory—of which he won't tell me; he says if he's right everything could be over soon, or at least everything will be able to end.

I start to chop faster unconsciously.

He's a Death-Eater.

I know for a fact now.

I didn't want him to say it in so many words because if someone where to use Virtaserum on him, he would be able to answer without incriminating himself.

Regulus Black has never told me of his insidious ties to the Dark Lord.

"Fuck!" I screech, I've cut a part of my pointer finger off. There's so much blood.

"Langu—oh!" Pomfrey cries, rushing over with her wand. She holds the part i've cut to my finger and mutters a long incantation. I watch as my skin reattaches to itself, as if being sewn on.

I gasp from the pain still lingering and my hand is red and wet. Merlin. All of the gillyweed I worked so hard to chop is now unusable, infected with my blood.

"I think it's best you take the rest of the day off," Pomfrey frowns, face creasing with worry. She places the back of her hand to my forehead. When she's satisfied with the conclusion that I don't have a fever, she sends me to my dorm.

☽☽☽

I don't go back to the dorms. I'm wandering the halls aimlessly, reminiscent of the old days. The same pain.

I can't be alone. Honestly, I'm worried my thoughts will eat me alive. From the inside out, causing me to rot and decay the same way as a corpse.

I can't be with Regulus. Isn't it sickening how someone so empowering can be so forbidden? I can love him if we have more time, I think.

The brick blurs and I walk without thought. It's all the same story, always the same little tragedies that are so trivial in the grand scheme of things.

My body betrays my mind. I'm in-front of the Gryffindor common room. How...humorous. Despite the comedy, I can't help but wonder;

Is this where I'll always end up?