'where we are now' remus lupin & regulus black

Meet me in the woods

"I took a little journey to the unknown. And I come back changed, I can feel it in my bones. I fucked with the forces that our eyes can't see, and now the darkness got a hold on me."

FULL MOON
REMUS LUPIN

She has her head on my shoulder. Listening along as my lazy, monotone voice reads the words off the manila coloured pages of her book. I've always hated the way my voice seems to drone on full moons but she seems content.

I was going to try and get some sleep. It's always easier when I do but, the map kept calling me. Beckoning me to read it.

That's how I saw she was pacing in-front of the portrait hole.

That's how I found her arguing with the fat lady, trying to get in.

Now we're seated on the flagstone floor, of the high ceilinged kitchen, with mounds of glistening pots and pans surrounding us at four in the morning.

The roar of the crackling fire shakes me out of my daze. "I was within and without," I read, "Simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life."

I stop to absorb the words. Often times I feel similar. I know i'm a dead-end, there's nowhere else my life can go. While everyone else around me is a high-way, already close to their destination.

I see it in her, too.

Everyday, I see her, behind all the smoking, jokes and bad coping methods. I see her.

Cordelia is perpetually devastated and I can tell she probably feels like the loneliest person in the world. It's hard not to feel like that with this condition. It's why I bother with her so much.

Cordelia raises her head from my shoulder, "Why'd you stop?" frown etched on her lips.

I turn slightly to face her, "Just trying to figure out why this is your favourite book, is all."

She rolls her eyes, "The Great Gatsby is a classic."

"Still, weird you named your—" I yawn, "—Cat after it."

Furrowing her brows, "You're tired," She accuses, more then questions.

I can't hide the bluntness in my voice, "You're not."

Cordelia looks down to her hands. Tucks a loose raven curl behind her ear. "I shouldn't have showed up like that. It was unfair, you need rest."

The fire burns brighter for a second, casting an orange glow on her freckle covered cheeks. I wonder how long it would take to count them all. Folding the top of the page to mark it, I set the book down next to me. "We both need rest actually. And, It's not a burden to spend time with you, Cordelia."

It's truly not, she makes me feel validated in a way. When I talk, I think she actually hears me. No one else ever does. There's often a lingering feeling left in the air when we're alone though. Tension?

Her eyes always calculate every word that tumbles from my lips and every movement I make. Waiting for me to tell her that I don't want her around anymore.

"I wish you would tell me why you aren't sleeping instead, though." I add.

She drops her head back down on my shoulders, the feeling of her warmth returning, ironically sending waves of chills through me.

"I'm scared. That's been absurdly fucking hard for me to admit but it's true. I'm scared of so fucking much I can't think of anything else anymore. Right now it's more about your friends not accepting me, as childish as it sounds." She murmurs.