'where we are now' remus lupin & regulus black

Echos of a cloudless mind

"On the sunniest days, when you miss me and think you hear my voice, remind yourself, it's just the echos of a cloudless mind."
___________________________

REGULUS BLACK

I think I am starting to die a terrible, painful death.

I think there is an infectious disease spreading within my body.

And it's a rather fucking insidious one at that.

Because the symptoms—the symptoms are not physical and they do not ache me. Instead, they allure me.

I've gone to this school my whole life and it's never looked like this. So, so vibrant.

Every time I leave my common room there's a swarm of bees rumbling in my stomach. Demanding to find their honey.

My mind, my own clear, rational, mind has betrayed me. Reduced to a vessel for me to reflect on intrusive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

The symptoms are killing me slowly, delicately, and I think I want to be dying forever.

This feeling I have...what do they call it?

Maybe i've forgotten, or maybe I never really knew.

What i'm more curious about is why?

There are two new forms of bacteria in my life that could have spread this contagion to me.

Spring, and her.

I've always hated the spring. It brings beautiful things into blossom just to tear all the petals off with a slight drizzle and breeze. The worst part about it is, there's absolutely nothing you can do. Just watch them dance away with the wind.

I've never hated her. Strongly disliked at the most. She does selfless things and has little care for her own life, it drives me mad. The chances I have of a future with her—not that I want one or anything—are slim enough without her stacking the odds against us, too. When she appears it's what I want and what I dread.

For the sole reason that, I don't know if i've found her or if i've lost her. The worst part about it is, there's absolutely nothing I can do.

Perhaps it's both.

Perhaps she just lives within the veil of spring, a flourish of possibilities and new life. Possibilities and new life I can't accept. Because I won't—can't bear to watch it slip away.

I think we are impossible, but then again, who ever said that's for me to decide?

This feeling I have...I think they call it yearning.

I fucking love it.

☽☽☽

REMUS LUPIN

"So what do you say? Friends?" Cordelia extends her hand in almost a professional manner.

I stare at her for a few seconds, each blink the processing of one of her words. "Friends..." The word sounds  funny coming out of my mouth. Speaking a langue I've heard of, but not one I understand.