Sidnaaz's Delimma

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Sana had pulled her son to her when Sid had left the kitchen as if wanting some security from the kid. What was she about to do?? Is she out of her mind?? She was letting him, no initiating him to kiss her in a house full of people. Why does this man have so much affect on her. She just wanted to go home and take a cold bath. Her body was on fire. But Jay had ordered an ice cream for everyone. And Zoro was too excited about it. She could not just leave and break her boy's heart.
Zoro: Kya hua mama?? Aap thek hu??
Sana: Mai thek hu baby. Aap jaake khelo. Mama abhi thodi der me aati hai.
Zoro: Ok.
     Zoro left the kitchen. She drank a glass of water and tried to calm herself. After few minutes she walked to the terrace. Sid was not to be seen. Jay and Mahi joined her.
Mahi: Chalo chalo baccho ice cream khaane.
Mahi kept the box of ice cream on the table and looked at Jay.
Mahi: Pata nhi yeh Sid ko achanak kya ho gaya. Ekdm se chala gaya.
Jay: Are bola na ke usse urgent call aaya tha.
     Sana felt a relief run through her body. She felt her legs will give away so she sat on the sofa nearby. The kids ate ice cream. Sana was not in the mood for any, so she denied it. Zoro was jumping on and off the sofa. Sana was getting irritated about it.
Sana: Zoro mat karo. Lag jaayegi aapko.
Mahi was sitting next to Sana.
Mahi: Tu thek hai?? Aaj kuch ajeeb behave kar rahi hai.
Sana: Thek hu mai.
Zoro came hopping towards Mahi.
Zoro: Massi vo uncle ka baby kon hai??
Mahi: Konse uncle beta??
Zoro: Vo jo uncle aaj aaye the unka??
Sana felt her heart come to her mouth.
Mahi; Uncle ka koi baby nhi hai.
Zoro: Koi nhi hai??
Mahi: Nahi bacche koi nhi hai.
Zoro: Accha?? To mere papa nhi hai aur unka baby nhi hai??.
     What has she deserved to have such a day today. Her heart was hammering in her chest.
Sana: Zoro.... Aaj kal aap bahot bolne lage ho. Jaao jaakar khelo khushi aur Rajbir ke sath. Nahi to ghar chalte hai.
     Zoro was confused why her mama was angry all of the sudden.
Mahi: Sana??? Zoro.....Koi nhi bacche aap jaao khelo. Mama ko aaj thek nhi hai. Jaao chalo aap khelo.
     Zoro left and joined the other kids.
Mahi: Pagal hai tu Sana?? Bacche pe aise kyu chilla rahi hai??
Sana: Di aaj kal bahot fizul baate karne laga hai vo.
Mahi: Nahi fizul nhi hai yeh baate. Sana tujhe samjna hoga, Zoro ab bada ho raha hai. Vo dusre baccho ko unke papa ke sath dekhta hai. Ab vo tujse sawaal karega. Vo sawaal jiska jawaab tune mujhe bhi nhi diya hai aaj tak.
     Sana looked at Mahi.
Mahi: Tune kaha tha yeh sawaal tujhse na puchu. To maine kabhi nhi pucha. Par ab tera beta puchega. Vo har aadmi me uske papa ko dundega. Tu usse taal nhi sakti Sana.
     Sana took her face in both her hands.
Sana: Mai kya karu di?? Kya mai kafi nhi hu uske liye??
Mahi: Sana.... Tujhe mai kaise samjhau..... Tujhe lagta hai ke tu Zoro ke liye kaafi hai. Par vo jo miss karta hai na vo tu nhi pura kar sakti. Vo ab bada ho raha hai. Apne friends ko dono parents ke sath dekhta hai. Yaha Tara, Khushi, Rajbir ko bhi dekhta hai na?? To vo yeh sawaal kaise nhi karega?? Aur kaise usse kami mehsus nhi hogi??
Sana: Par di Siddharth.... Vo agar saamne hote to kya sochte??
Mahi: Kuch nhi sochta vo. Tu kuch zyaada sooch rahi hai us baare me. Vo attract hua hoga usse to aise he uska naam le liya.
Sana: Pata nhi di....
     Mahi stroke her arms giving her reassure.
Mahi: Itna stress kyu le rahi hai. It's part of growing up na baby. He is going to ask questions. You can't snap at him when he does.
Sana: I know di. Aur mai nhi snap karti hu uspe kabhi. Vo to aaj...
Mahi: Aaj kya hua hai tujhe Sana. Teri tabiyat theek nhi hai kya??
Sana: Ha thoda sar me dard hai.
Mahi: Thek hai chal mai tujhe apne hath ke chai pilati hu. Aur tu tension mat le. Mai hu na??
Sana: Aap ho isliye mai hu di.
Mahi: Aise kuch nhi hai. Zyaada mat bol ab. Chal chai pete hai.
     Sid was sitting on an isolated beach. He knew this place from his college days. Those days when he was a carefree young man. He was the most entertaining person in their group. It seems like ages. He was sitting there for past two hours. Trying to figure out what in the name of God was he trying to do with Sana in Mahi's kitchen. Is he insane?? He felt he really needs to see a Psychiatrist. Because the way his mind and his body is working around Sana he really needs to be treated. How can he lose control. He really hates that woman. Then why did he... Does he really?? Oh shut up. His brain yelled this time and his mind went quite. He will be in control next time. He promised his now furious brain. He won't give in to her fake innocent charm. She is fake. And nobody but he knows how fake she is. He wish he could bring her true colors in front of everyone. But he won't stoop that low. This is not him. This is not his style. Plus she has a son. Who looks up to his mom. He adores his mom. But his eyes.... Where has he seen such eyes. They felt so familiar. The boy was a well mannered child. She has raised him well. Or maybe his dad has. Why did the child stare at him all the time?? He had no clue. But he liked that. Why?? Why did he like Sana's son looking at him. Because You are a fool Siddharth Shukla. Yes you are a fool. His brain was getting agitated now. So he thought of stopping his mind go Sana's way. And he knew how to do it. He has practised that in years. So he got up and drove. Drove to a nearby bar.
    They had come back home. Sana was feeling very guilty for the way she behaved with Zoro. She went to his room. He was sitting on the mattress coloring in his book. He looked up and gave Sana the most beautiful smile. It brought back the memories when his dad too smiled at her like this. She shuddered, but composed herself.
Sana: Kya kar rahe ho baby??
Zoro: Kuch nhi mama. Veena miss ne page no 6 aur 7 ko color karne kaha hai. She said it should not come out of the dotted lines.
    Sana went and sat near Zoro taking him on her lap.
Sana: Accha?? Batao to aap ne kaise kiya??
    Sana looked at the picture interestingly.
Sana: Are wah. You did it so well. Good boy.
Zoro: Thank you.
Sana: I love you baby. And mama is sorry.
    Zoro looked at her enquiringly.
Sana: Vo aaj maine aapko bahot buri tarah data na?? I'm sorry.
Zoro: It's ok mama.
Sana: Baby par hum kisi ke bhi baare me aise baat nhi kar sakte na?? Hum unko jaante bhi nhi hai.
Zoro: Ok. I'm sorry too. Par mama, mujhe vo Sid uncle bahot acche lage. I want my papa to be like him.
    Sana brought her arms around her child and pulled him closer to her. Her heart playing havoc in her chest.
Sana: Ok beta.
Zoro: Mama??
Sana: Hmmm??
Zoro: Mere papa kyu nhi hai??
Sana: Beta aapko pata hai na ke aapke papa hame chod kar chale gaye hai na??
Zoro: Kyu??
Sana: Kyuki unhe kahi dur jaana tha.
Zoro: Kyu jaana tha??
Sana: Beta kyuki vo jaana chahte the. Unko kahi aur bahot important kaam tha.
Zoro:To kya vo wapas nhi aayenge?? To kya ab mujhe meri apne papa kabhi nhi milenge?? Mujhe na apne khud ke papa chahiye. Jo sirf mere sath khele, mujhe bedtime story sunai. Bunny kehta hai uske papa usse roz bedtime story sunate hai. Kya agar mai roz God se pray karunga to kya mujhe everyday bedtime story sunane wale papa mil jaayenge.
    Sana did not knew what to do. She had tears in her eyes. Why had she not been prepared for these type of questions?? She so wanted to make everything right for his little baby. She nodded her head.
Sana: Hmmm.
Zoro: Fir chalo utho mama hum dono pray karte hai. Mujhe meri papa mil jaaye.
Sana: Ok chalo.
    Zoro got down from her lap and sat on the mattress folding his hands and closing his eyes. Sana looked at him and a tear came rolling down her eyes. How was she going to bring him his papa. How?? Zoro has asked her to pray with him. What should she ask?? Has her prayers ever been answered?? It's not that she doesn't believe in God?? She does. She definitely does. Because he has given her Zoro. An angel was bestowed upon her by God and she had forgiven him all the pain he gave her. But now what should she ask God?? Should she really ask him to bring Zoro's papa in his life?? Does she really want that?? Then she will be asking for a disastrous life. But then how can she  not ask God to fulfill her son's request. Does she have to choose between her son's happiness or her own life and sanity. She wished she knew. She wished she does.

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