Lunar Dream (Sunnew)

Fifty Three

Juyeon was wandering around Hae Baragi. Frankly, the boy was immersed in his own thoughts. Hwall's death had taken quite a toll on him. 

He was so out of focus that he didn't even notice Hyungseo standing right in front of him. Juyeon walked past him, eyes blank and dazed.

"Juyeon." Hyungseo called. 

Juyeon paused in his steps and turned around to see Hyungseo staring at him. Again, Juyeon hated the look. It was a look of pity. 

"Are you.... ok? Wait, of course, you're not. Umm... wanna talk?" Hyungseo stumbled over his words.

Juyeon was sure he was just as distressed about the matter as he was. But then, Hyungseo was Hyungseo. He tended to take care of others first. That was what Juyeon admired about him.

"Sure." Juyeon gave a curt reply. 

Hyungseo nodded. The two moved closer to the side with Juyeon leaning against the railing. Hyungseo seemed hesitant to utter any word. 

"How are you?" Juyeon started, not making eye contact.

"Fine. A bit shaken but fine, " Hyungseo glanced up at Juyeon, "How are you?" 

"....."

"I do know Hwall was special to you. I mean he was special to everyone but he meant a lot to you, didn't he?" 

Hyungseo tried to decipher the swirling emotions in Juyeon's eyes but gave up. He continued.

"Hwall told me a lot of things. About you, Hyunjae, Sangyeon. It was interesting how invested he was in your lives while he didn't remember his. Yet, he was happy. He talked about it countless times with me and Haknyeon. It's safe to say I know some of your embarrassing stories." 

Hyungseo giggled a bit but stopped when Juyeon looked at him. He gulped under the heavy stare. 

"What did he talk about?" Juyeon asked.

"Just stories about you learning new things and being fascinated. I guess it's true the youngest is always the most curious. Hwall complained abut the many times he had to explain commoner things to you. Oh, and also how he always had to pull you and Hyunjae out of trouble. Though mostly it was Hyunjae." Hyungseo muttered the last part to himself. 

"I do owe Hwall a lot. He kept me company throughout my childhood. Hyunjae hyung and Sangyeon hyung were... they were good to me. But not the kind of company I needed. Hwall was there for me instead."

Hyungseo stared at the side profile of Juyeon, glowing under the dim moonlight. He kept his breathing slow and low, afraid to ruin the mood.

"What kind of company did you need?"

"A warm comfortable one. Sangyeon was always training and studying. Hyunjae wasn't allowed to hang out with me most of the times. But both of them were the same. They didn't know how to love."

Juyeon turned to Hyungseo who looked away in embarrassment. He had been staring a bit too long. 

"I hated those kind of looks."

"Which ones?"

"The look of pity. Everyone looked at me like that when I was a child. But Hwall didn't."

"Of course, he didn't. He admired you."

"It was my first time receiving that kind of look. I liked it. It made me feel worthwhile."

After a pause, Juyeon continued.

"Hyungseo, am I selfish?" 

"Why do you ask?"