my diary

Tuesday, april 13th

So, it's the next day and I want to update you on kylee. I ate lunch with her!!!!! I'm so happy because that's all I've wanted to do for MONTHS. And I've also wanted to get away from Rachel for months. If I continue to eat lunch with kylee and her friends, it will be soooo much easier to drift from Rachel. It was REALLY fun eating lunch with them. I knew all of her friends already so I didn't have to meet anyone new. I sat by this one guy that I "eat" breakfast with. I don't actually eat I just hang out with him to kill time before school starts. so I talked to him a few times and to the girl in the other side of me because I knew her alot, too. but other than that I didn't really talk. I laughed kinda though. So this is the story. Right before lunch I saw kylee and asked her "how does everyone feel with my sitting with you?" And she was like "I haven't asked them yet. I had planned on asking them irl." And I said "ok" then we both went to our lockers, got our lunch, and met back up in the cafeteria. I didn't want to sit down yet because I wanted to know if everyone was okay with it before I did. But, then she said "just go ahead and sit down. They will say something if they are uncomfortable." And I said "ok I just don't want anyone to be bothered by me." And she said "no, your fine." So I sat down. That was really awkward and thinking about that makes me want to puke. Anyway, I mostly observed the whole time just to get a feel of what they are like. This is how it went down with Rachel when I told her. We passed in the hall and we both said hi. This was the first time we had talked today. Then, once she was a few feet away, I said "wait Rachel, come here." She walked over to me and I said "kylee wants me to eat lunch with her." Really I wanted to eat lunch with kylee but she can't know I don't want to eat with her. She said "really?" In a super annoyed voice and I said "uhh" and she turned around and walked away. The rest of the day she ignored me. Except for once in 7th hour. When I first came in she said "Jessie, your late." Which, obviously, I knew. I just ignored her and walked to my seat. Class had started and she whispered it to me. I would've done that anyway, so I wasn't trying to be mean. Anyway, I told my mom and she was really happy. I also told her a bit more about Rachel and how I don't really like her. She's starting to understand. I don't want to completely bash her to my mom because I will sound rude. But lunch was soooo much fun. I love everyone who sits there. They made me feel so welcome. They were telling me to stop being so quiet. ANDDDD they told me I should come back. My plan for tomorrow is to just eat with them and not tell Rachel. I think I will eat with them everyday. If they are comfortable with it. Soon, I will be more comfortable around them and know their humor more so it will be easier to talk with them. Once recess had started, it was just a few of us so it was easier to open up and I talked some more. I hope Rachel ignores me tomorrow. I'm so happy not talking to her and being their friend. I might update you tomorrow I don't know. Edit: I've already finished this part but I wanted to add that they didn't comment on how I don't eat so far which was really heartwarming to me for some reason!!