my diary

august 10th 2021

hey sorry it's been a while. I don't really know why but I just kinda stopped writing. but I'm back. school starts so soon! on the 17th! I can't believe it. I hope the clothes I ordered come in on time. me and Samantha went to pick up our schedules yesterday. her mom took us and dropped us off. we went with her step brother, who is also in our grade. it was pretty nerve racking, but since her mom just dropped us off, it wasn't as embarrassing as it would be if we had an adult there. we saw one friend that we talked to, but other than that we just kept to ourselves, trying to find out where to go and what to do. the friend we saw is actually in highschool, so I don't know why he was there. but he took Samantha's hat and threw it in the toilet. she ran in the BOYS bathroom after him and got it out. school hasn't even started and I can already tell what it's going to be like. but I'm really excited. I love my schedule! I only have one class with Samantha, but it's focus (which is another term for study hall) and my mom told me the teacher is really nice. so maybe she will let me and Samantha go to stuff if we have all our work done. we have two teachers that we really like so Samantha wants to go to their classes during focus. I'm not sure about that, it seems like a lot of attention would be on me. there's another teacher that I really like, she's my all time favorite teacher. I had her for drama last year and the year before. other than that, she just kinda like a local celebrity. I'm not sure if everyone knows what that means, but it's pretty self explanatory. coming from a small town, we have quite a few of those. so I've known her for a while before she was my teacher. she's the drama teacher and a speech teacher. when you get to 8th grade, you have to take speech. I've always hoped that I would get her for speech, and I did! I'm so happy! the only thing is that she is in a whole different little building, and I have her 1st period. so I will have to walk out there first thing in the morning everyday. but I don't really mind. I'm taking drama again, so I'll have her twice a day! which, I'll have to walk out there twice a day, but I don't really care. I already know my science teacher, she's really nice. basically in 4th grade, my mom was my teacher. and for the second semester, we had a student teacher. and it was her. now she's going to be my science teacher! last year, there was this one teacher who I really liked. he was an 8th grade teacher and I really hoped that I got him, and I did! he's my social studies teacher! and for my last period! it's going to be great. also in 6th grade I had 7th period social studies with a male teacher so it's like nostalgic. I don't have any ap classes, I just didn't want to push myself that much. but maybe next year. we'll see. and I get a top locker this year! well I had one last year but technically I wasn't supposed to. I really hope I have much with Samantha! if I don't,  I'll be all alone and it will be so scary. I don't know if they do this everywhere, but when you get your schedule, they still don't tell you what lunch you have. they tell you on the first day of school. since my mom is a teacher I'm sure I'll find out earlier but I'm so scared. if we don't have lunch together, I'll probably want to change my schedule, but also I don't because I love it so much. so I'm conflicted. hopefully we have lunch together so I don't have to worry about all that. she got back with Brandon. I hate it so much. she told me it would be different but it's not. I'm still so sad like I was when she was dating him the first time. she still talks about him all the time. I told her multiple times how I feel about him but she still never stops talking about him. I try to respect the fact that he's her boyfriend but it's hard when he's all I ever hear about. I wish she would try to respect the fact that I feel like shit most of the time and it's all because of him. so maybe I don't wanna hear about him all the time. I hate how she gets mad and tries to make me feel bad about myself when she already knows how much I hate myself. she seriously tries her hardest and it hurts just knowing that she wants me to hurt. I've written so many paragraphs in my notes so I don't really want to write about it anymore. I guess that's it for now. goodnight.