my diary

July 21 2021

hey guys it's been a while I'm sorry. basically the day after I wrote the last entry me and samantha went to brads and hung out with them again. brad and samantha were cuddling! it just made me sad to see them doing it when we used to do it. and shes my best friend! we would have these moments when something would happen, and we would give each other looks, but she didn't do that the whole day. it made me think she thinks she's better than me because she has a boy. I mean she is cooler than me, but not just because she has some boys attention. once we were done hanging out with them, we went back to her house. I was talking about that one boy and she said "yeah he knows" and I said "he knows what?" and she just like nodded her head and I understood. it meant she told him how much I had been taking about him. and then she said "yeah they told me so much stuff" and I said "like what?" and she said "it's so mean I don't even wanna say it" and I was like "oh." I knew they were all talking bad about me and then she told him how much I had talked about him. I was so sad. a I wanted was to be these peoples friend and they still didn't like me. even Samantha was talking bad about me. soon after I had to go home and I immediately went to my room and started crying so much. the next day she went to go camping for her birthday. she was gone for about a week. it was a very hard week. but I needed it. I'm glad she was gone though so I had a reason to take a break. we barely texted when she was gone because when she texted I would leave her on delivered for forever and then say a two word answer and then leave her on opened. hey, I was really sad, okay? I would even take a long time to respond to Ben. once she came back, I got better. we hung out and it was great, but I just ate me up inside to hear her talk about Ben and brad as if I didn't use to like them. I get attached very easily, so maybe that's why. she had sex when she went camping though. appearantly there was a boy and they dated for like two days, had sex, and she broke up with him. that's sooo cool. I'm not sure if I'm ready for sex, but I at least want boys to want to have sex with me. well, not just all boys. that would just be creepy. I just think she's so interesting and outgoing I just wish I was her. yesterday, we went to the mall. my mom gave me $100 to spend on back to school clothes. I didn't spend any of it. I couldn't find anything that I looked good in. I spent pretty much all day in dressing rooms looking at stuff that looked horrible on me and comparing myself to her. I just wanna be her. every boy likes her. everyone wants to be her friend. everything about her is perfect and I'm so far from her. anyway then we spent the night at my house. today, we woke up and had pizza rolls for breakfast-lunch. it was pretty much lunch time. then my mom left to go run some errands. we got ready and went to the train tracks. we had never done that before but we really wanted to. then, we decided to go to the castle. the castle is this place by my neighborhood and it's a big building with a mural on it. we didn't bring the spray paint because we were already over there. it was really fun! then we came back, changed into swim suits, and went to the creek. but when we got there, there was a family fishing. so we got ice cream from the ice cream truck. then we went back to Samantha's house and watched tv for a little bit. she had pizza rolls, but I didn't have any. then we went back to the creek and they were gone. we swam for a little bit, but the water was really cold and the mood just wasn't right so we left after a little bit. then we layed in our spot. "our spot" is this little cul-de-sac that we like to lay in. then we walked around for a bit and decided to go back to the train tracks for a little bit. (we were still in our wet clothes) we saw a train pass and it honked at us so that was cool. then we left and changed back into clean clothes. then we called Ben. I didn't talk at all though.  wanted to show him our new matching necklaces we got at the mall yesterday but Samantha was kinda hogging him. OH WAIT!!! I can't believe I forgot to tell you this! I made an actual Wattpad! this is just for me and I don't expect anyone to read this, but this other one is an actual story!! I still don't expect anyone to read this, but I just wanna fa in love, so maybe it will be like I kinda am? but also I don't rlly know anything about love but this seems like all the other love stories. anyway now your all caught up! I'll see you later!!