my diary

April 30 2022

okay so I have a lot to talk about. on Wednesday, me and Samantha got in a fight. it was at breakfast. we were just talking about something stupid, and she was being condescending. she said "why are you being do rude about it damn" and I said "you're just being condescending." and she said "well if you're just gonna be rude then I'm leaving" she got up and I didn't say anything. then she yelled at me "get over yourself!" then she stormed out. after a little bit of sitting there in silence, I left and asked my mom to take me home. as soon as I got in my house, I started bawling and screaming. I got it all out. after that, I didn't cry at all. I did my school work and everything. the next morning, my mom woke me up. I asked her if I could stay home again, and she said no. then I went into the living room and she said "what's the problem?" I said "I have nothing to wear and I stayed up late last night. I also don't want to deal with her" she let me stay. the reason I went home was so that she couldn't just come right up to me and pretend that nothing happened. because I knew that was her plan, and I knew if she did that, I wouldn't be able to stay mad at her. the next morning "Fiona" texted me and said "this is Samantha I'm sorry for waking out. it is not my place to do or say those things to you." I said "come to my house tomorrow morning and we'll talk" she said "okay are you coming to school" I said no. that day was so great. so was the day before. the next morning, she came to my house. she showed me and my mom what she was wearing for her speech, and I just kind of laughed. tbh her outfit was horrible. anyway I was doing my makeup. after a little bit, she closed the door and said "I don't think we should talk about our fights-" I cut her off and said "no because every time you do that, I have to push my feelings down if I want to keep being your friend. if I say anything call me you get mad at me." she said "okay then we can talk about it." I don't really remember all the details of it, I just know that I got a lot of words out, and she got very few. I was very proud of myself. she stayed silent for a really long time. then she left, of course. I didn't expect anything else. I knew she was going to. at school, I didn't really talk to her alot. I tried to avoid her, because the more I thought about it the more I realized I shouldn't be giving her a chance right now. I should just cut her off. so I'm trying to, but that's not in my nature obviously. I'm a libra. anyway today was Saturday and it was such a great day. my mom woke me up to go take care of her friend's dogs, because they're out of town, and we would get donuts on the way back. but we forgot donuts, and I told her it was okay. I made this new healthy snack I saw on tiktok. I put some cream cheese and some celery, sprinkled everything bagel seasoning on it, and cut it into pieces. it wasn't that good, I think it would have been better without the seasoning. anyway then I finished reading my book for school. then I cleaned out the car, cause my mom told me to. then I took a quiz on the book. it was due yesterday, but since I've been gone the teacher let me do it over the weekend. then I made some hard-boiled eggs, because I love those. later I had some eggs for lunch, and I put Turkey in it. I saw someone do something like that on tiktok, so I wanted to try it. it was really good! then I started my one pager. it's this thing for school that I have to do about a different book that I read. I finished it about a week ago and now I'm starting. Monday is state testing. I wanted to get a little bit done before, so I wouldn't have to do a lot after state testing. and then for dinner I had this cheesy ranch chicken kind of stuff. I found it in the freezer. my mom is at home, and she left on short notice. her ex-boyfriend texted her and wanted to meet her, so she said yes. I'm not going to judge, cuz I would probably do the same thing. anyway Sophia asked me if I could hang out tomorrow. I told her I want to, but I don't know if I could get a ride. so we'll see if we hang out tomorrow or not. that's all for now, bye!