my diary

July 6th 2021 "<3"

I'll tell you why there's a heart in the title and why there are quotation marks around it later. but let me catch you up. fourth of July was pretty fun. not as fun as I wish it was but better than I thought it would be. we went to my moms friends house and swam and ate. them we went to my mom's friends moms house and shot fireworks. when I came home though, my mom yelled at me and I had a miniature panic attack. but let's not talk about that. yesterday we went to my aunt's house to take care of their dogs while they are out of town, but other than that we didn't really do anything. today we woke up early, got donuts, and my mom dropped us off at my aunts house while she went and took her friends to the airport. since it was so early, I went back to sleep and had a GREAT dream. we aren't gonna go into detail about that. then we went home and I went to Samantha's house. we had grilled cheese for lunch while we watched a movie. after a while we went to my house and asked if my mom could take us to dollar tree. she said yes but in two hours. so we were waiting in my room. while we were there, I was snapping Ben and realized he posted something on his story. I looked and it said "June 6th 2021 <3" that's why I put the heart in the title. I got really sad because I knew it probably meant he was dating someone. get it? and that's the day they started dating. I felt bad for being sad because Samantha was there, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to cry so much but I didn't. then he snapped me and said "do you remember that girl **** I was telling you about?" I said "yeah" he said "well we decided to get back together. we've been thinking about it for a while" I said "noice" I didn't know what to say but I didn't want him to know I was sad. but I think he did know. and then he said something else, but I don't remember it. I said "yeah boii🤠" so I hope that made him think I wasn't sad. I'm glad he told me at least. with brad I just found out from his story. it was kinda like that with Ben too but I'm glad he said something. I hope he still cares about me. I hope I can still talk to him when I need to. I took him for granted and I feel so dumb. he always told Samantha how he really liked me and stuff. why can't I ever be the other girl? why can't I ever be good enough? i wasn't this sad with brad. even though I lasted longer and we clicked more, I wasn't this sad. I don't think I ever even cried about him. but with Ben, I've been crying so much. I can't stop. I think it's because he was more openly caring and now it feels like he doesn't care and he was lying. but also I know he would never do that right?? I don't know but I think that's where I'm gonna stop for tonight. see you later!