my diary

Nov 29 2021

omg so much has happened! so on Saturday, aj asked if my mom was home. I said yes, even though she wasn't. we get into too much trouble at my house, it's off limits now. he said Nathan wasn't responding and asked if I could come to his house instead. "where do you live I don't have a ride" I said. he said he lives in the neighborhood. I didn't believe him at all. I asked him what street he lives on. he said he "forgot" and then took a second to tell me. he gave me a name of an avenue. i said "no I mean like do you live on Jesse's memos or Gabby's street" and he just said "what" so I said "yeah you don't live here" and he said yeah I'm at my grandma's house I'll be back in a little bit." then later he said "I'm here" I looked on snap map, and there he was. he was right down the street from me and in a house no one I knew lived in. I just sat there staring at it for the longest time. then he said "told you" so I started getting ready. then he said "is your mom home?" I said yes, again, even though it wasn't true. he said "shit" I said "is your mom home?" he said "yeah' I said "I would she let me come over" he said "no" then Nathan answered his phone. he wouldn't let us come over though. then aj said he was at my window and wanted me to let him in. I looked at the snap map and he wasn't even here. them he said he was on his way. after a few minutes, he started banging on my window. I was texting him begging him to leave. finally after forever he left. for some reason he didn't process that I was mad at him after that. I don't know why. then he kept asking me to come outside. I kept saying I was busy and stuff. then my mom came home. then he started banging on my window again. I texted him and told him I wasn't going to fuck him if he didn't leave. he left so fast. later, I was in the kitchen cooking mac and cheese, and my brother said "there's someone banging on your window! it's those boys again!" I started walking to my room and he asked if I wanted him to handle it. I said yes and went back into the kitchen. they left. then I immediately blocked aj. then Nathan texted me and asked me to unblock him and he would never do it again. I said "why would I believe that he's done it three times today" he said "yeah because you wouldn't let us in" I said "I wanted to come over this morning and you wouldn't let me in" I don't remember what he said after that, but then I said "he's fucking insane. my mom has already called the cops on him." he said "damn." I said "yeah so he's staying blocked for now." then he sent a voice memo saying "please just unblock him he won't quit begging me" I said "I'm so sorry, Nathan, that you have to go through that. he said "stfu your actually pissing me off rn" so I just left him on opened. then some random person named "azac Dover" texted me. I don't remember having someone with that name on snap. I open it and it said "hey" I said "hey" then he said "please unblock me I won't do it again" I just said "oh my god" then he spammed me begging me. then he made four other accounts. I said "your fucking crazy leave me alone." and he kept spamming. I said "your like clinically insane" he kept spamming. ofc I woke up to more spam this morning. I opened it in front of Samantha. it said "please. Jessie. I like you." we just laughed at it and sent him funny voice memos telling him to stfu. I saw him after school. he was like staring at me with a sad face as I just walked past him, bearly looking at him. then he sat at my table when we were waiting for the bus. it was kinda nice to be in his presence for some reason. even if I wasn't talking to him. I think I like it more actually. I don't know. I remember he was always looking at me though. I was just messing around with Evan the whole time. I think he was kinda jealous. but he hasn't opened our voice memos yet. I know he has to get on a whole other account, but yk. also my friend said he has a gf now. idk ab that tho. maybe. idrc. but I kinda do? I kinda only want him now that it feels like he doesn't want me. I unblocked him for a little bit and it said "add friend" instead of "accept friend" maybe it was a glitch? idk. I want him to want me though. I feel like I'm finally catching feelings, but at the worst time. yesterday I wanted nothing to do with him. why do I feel like this today. also he doesn't live in the neighborhood. he lied, of course. his aunt does. okay bye!!!!!