The Bull Prince | Max Verstappen

Chapter Five: Lewis Hamilton

17th April 2016

The fresh night air felt refreshing. Away from the loud music and the celebrating people, Joanna felt lighter. Staring into the night sky of China, she wished she could speak with Mark, she wondered if it was too much to ask for. Just a simple conversation with him, not much just a few words.

It probably was.

They've never really talked.

It was absurd, Mark knew exactly how hard he could push her before she would break. He knew her weaknesses and her strengths. He had seen her at her worst, was often even significantly involved at getting her there, but he couldn't name her favorite color to save his life. Ironic, somehow. Or she wished it were ironic.

It was her tender age, which caused all these bad memories about their time together. She had just turned 19 as they started their little arrangement and despite her telling him, that she could take it, Josie knew that she couldn't back then. Now, maybe, but she would never go back there. Not after she finally felt like her own person again. The youngest Lauda wondered if it was due to Mark and her difficult relationship, that she hadn't won another championship.

She couldn't deny that she had won two. The 2008 with the tender age of 17 and a second the following year with 18. After that, the arrangement with Mark started and her chances to win another title were gone. Joanna was proud of being the youngest ever champion and she was proud of being a double champion, but he made her pay for it greatly. Most days it gave her a certain satisfaction even though Mark had humiliated her in the bedroom. At the end of the day, she was still a double champion, and he was nothing.

Watching the trees move in the wind, Josie realized that she was never a good submissive. Being stubborn and unwavering. She wasn't sub material. Without thinking, she talked back, challenged Mark to punish her, to make a wrong step, and really hurt her. Well, Joanna never said their relationship was healthy, but Mark was always so in control of everything it enraged her.

He was mean to her, yes, but he never abused her. Even though she wished he had. That way all her conflicting feeling would have a label. She could place it somewhere, find a category. But that way it was just a rough play session, how she hated that term. She never wanted Mark to play her.

Reaching out to touch her wrists, Joanna could still remember the robes, which have cut deeper than intended. Mark never apologized though. It wasn't his task as the dominant part. He ruled or at least in the bedroom. Saying sorry wasn't something Mark was good at. Sometimes she wondered if his wife knew what he was doing with her. A barely legal girl, almost 15 years younger than himself.

It was Lewis who pulled her out of her thoughts, stepping out onto the balcony as well with an annoyed huff, before realizing that he wasn't alone. The fake smile was back on, but as soon as he saw that it was Joanna, he let it slip once more.

"Oh, Josie. I thought you've already left." Lewis told her a soft smile on his lips.

"Not, yet." She replied, before leaning against the railing of the balcony, looking down. After all the years she knew Lewis, she couldn't not see the signs. Nico and he were fighting once more. The youngest Lauda couldn't decide whether it reassured her that even someone like Lewis Hamilton had reached a point where he collapsed and couldn't go on, or whether it just scared her.

He seemed lost, even when Nico stood next to him nowadays. It only made him break more. Josie could understand, better than she wished she could. She had known days when they still loved each other. When their respect was mutual and the joy and friendship sincerely. Maybe they all were just lost souls looking for a place to hid away from their pain now.