The Bull Prince | Max Verstappen

Chapter Seven: Nico Rosberg

There is a certain clinical satisfaction in seeing just how bad things can get. The rock bottom seemed wonderfully solid. It was somehow comforting to know that he had fallen but could fall no further.

"I think I hate you," Lewis spoke into the silence of the dark room, not even sure if Nico was still awake. The German had thrown his arm across Lewis's torso while bedding his head on the Brit's shoulder. Lewis felt like his skin was frozen wherever Nico touched him.

Nico wanted to laugh. "You can't hate me. You love me far too much for that." The German thought but never said. It was one of their unspoken rules, that they never spoke about their feelings. He knew Lewis and he also knew that he could never hate somebody, who he presented with his heart but there was no need to tell the Brit that.

"Are you still angry?" Nico wanted to know.

The German would understand when he was. Partly he was angry at himself that he had chosen Vivian instead of Lewis as the Brit asked him to choose, but Nico was a father already. He couldn't run away from his daughter. Even though he wanted to. He had responsibilities.

In the deep of the night, when he wished it would be Lewis, who was warming his bed, he told himself, that Lewis understood. Or at least he would after having his first child.

"In the beginning, yes, but I grew tired of it," Lewis said simply.

"Anger is so tiring, Nico." He confessed, not looking in his lover's eyes. It would just hurt both of them further.

"I don't think I was ever angry about it. Or about anything. Never saw the need to. It was good while it lasted." Nico said. His fingers carefully dancing over Lewis's bronze skin. Nico still remembered, when Lewis's skin was free of tattoos, just his skin against Nico's.

"No, it wasn't. It was toxic." The Brit shot back. Not carrying much for the fairy tale Nico was telling himself, so he could sleep better at night. A long time ago it was good, even great but the time was over long before they became teammates. So much has been done that can never be changed again. So many injuries from senseless fighting. So many tears from hurtful words and harmful thoughts.

"You know, the way I see it, in some situations, anger can be a driving force, it can push you forward, it can incite you. But you can't let it become what defines you. You can't let it overgrow you. Too much anger turns into hatred. It'll be hopeless if it gets that far." Lewis told Nico, but the German couldn't follow him quite that well.

"But you just told me that you do hate me, don't you?"

Lewis could lie, could make up a beautiful story, that he could never hate Nico because he was his one true love but chooses not to. A long time ago Lewis decided to brand Nico Rosberg as the one, who got away. The one, he needed to convince of his undying hate for the German, so Lewis could heal someday.

Maybe it was dishonorable and wrong to give in to the urge to hurt Nico so much that he would stay away from him forever. But it looked like it was the only way for Lewis to escape Nico and finally be free.

"I do. I speak from experience when I say it becomes hopeless, because when it does, you hit the bottom, and when you hit the bottom, it feels there's no way out or up."

"Maybe it's because you still care." Nico guessed, even though he knew he was right. Nico knew that Lewis loved him and he also knew that the Brit did everything to get away from him, but he was like the air to breathe for Lewis. There was no getting away.

"It's because you ruined me. You did this to me. You made me hate you and I will always hate you for that." Lewis raised his voice a little bit, which caused Nico to stop his caressing. The German could feel the first sob ripping through his lover's body. Lewis's soft brown eyes seemed fogged like he was bewitched with undying sadness and sorrow for a life he never had.