The Bull Prince | Max Verstappen

Chapter 45

So, here is the new chapter. I said Friday, but people kept asking me for an update, so this is on you guys. Just saying. It's not my fault. Warning: major character death! No, I'm joking. Maybe. You will see. Enjoy!

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Joanna stared at the white ceiling above her as she had already done for hours when her alarm clock finally reminded her that she couldn't spend the day in bed, no matter how much she just wanted to hide under her covers forever, where she hopefully would be left alone. Nevertheless, Joanna knew that Kiwi would appear at her door sooner rather than later, should she not show up from breakfast.

Today was the race, so there was no way that she could stay in bed. Biting her lip softly, Joanna thought about Max's message. He reached out, wanted to talk with her again, it hurt. He shouldn't do that to himself.

She couldn't take her own life right now. Not any comments from other drivers or the media asking the wrong questions and certainly not some people who pretended to care about her but ultimately didn't. She had become fragile. It was all a little bit too much.

Maybe she always was fragile, but she was her whole life so well protected, she didn't even know it. Joanna always thought that the convent school was hell, but she hadn't known hell back then.

Her life has started easy, with a clear path to walk down. She walked alone, nobody was holding her hands, every step on her journey, but that was okay. Joanna didn't know it any other way, until the day some company joined her. Supportive and loyal friends. Joanna was happy until it all started to grumble.

Throughout the way she started making harder and more questionable decisions, making her life darker and darker. She hurt the people she loved until she was standing here all alone. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, but this is how it was. She couldn't change that.

Joanna rubbed her palms over her face and prodded the corners of her eyes, dabbing away the tiny teardrops forming there before they were able to fall. The Austrian was pretty sure she would break down and cry like a little girl before the day was over. But she couldn't allow herself such premature behavior. Emotions weren't to be displayed.

After a lengthy discussion with herself as to whether she should stand up or not, she finally moved, but as soon as her feet touched the ground, she was reminded of the problem which seemed to become ever-present. Feeling the pills underneath her feet, she tried her best to step over them and walk into the bathroom of her hotel room.

The Austrian sighed when she hardly recognized herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess. The dark circles around her eyes, which she couldn't even hide with a massive amount of makeup, weren't the worst thing about her current appearance. Her usually so beautiful stormy grey eyes seem to have lost their glamourous shine. They seemed empty of expression and dulled by grief.

Sighing heavily, she threw her powder brush back into her washing bag before she decided to head downstairs for some breakfast. Something to eat always lifted her mood, or it did in the past. Nowadays nothing seemed to lift her mood anymore.

The Austrian was about to leave the bathroom but turned around again. Joanna got the bottle of antidepressants. The pain medication wasn't doing its job any longer. But the Lexapro was helping to bring the numbness back into her bones. Leaving the bottle in the bathroom sink, Joanna got her phone before she flopped down on the bed again.

"Come to my room right now!!!" She texted a number she knew by heart and she hadn't to wait long for a reply despite the early hour of the morning. 

"No, fuck you." That was all he answered, which caused Joanna to smile to herself. She hadn't expected anything else. The Austrian was used to this kind of behavior towards her.