The Freaks | Sally Face

Chapter 19: My Muse

Present Day

I sat there in the chair, feeling as numb as I did the moment I heard of my Mother's passing. I look down to my bag, my notepad peeking out of the opening and making itself seen. I reach down into my bag, not saying a word as I just poured my heart out to Mitchell. I had never spoken about my Mom to anyone, not even my Dad... but it was like my mind was telling me I needed to open about about what both my Dad and I went through.

"What have you got there?" Mitchell spoke up finally.

"It's the notepad Mom gave me before she died. I keep it on me everyday, filling it up with new drawings whenever I can. It helps keeps me grounded I suppose..." I smile at the book.

"Have you shown anyone your drawings over the years?"

"No..." I interrupt. "I haven't shown anyone the art from my notebook before... I just think it's Erm well..."

"Private?" Mitchell spoke up and cut me off. "You know River your Mother wanted you to show everyone your art due to how talented you are. I have seen some pieces in the Art Room, they're fantastic. I can only imagine what you have in that book..." he smiles.

"There's some really old shit in there... oh sorry" I realised I had just sworn at a member of staff.

"Please don't apologise. I'm here to listen to your speak, no matter what language comes out. Just shows me you're opening up"

"Thanks... I haven't ever opened up this much before. It feels a bit strange.."

"Well of course it will. You've kept years and years of emotional trauma bottled up I'm surprised you haven't caused some real damage to yourself or others. That's not me saying you're a maniac but I don't know how you've kept it together all this time.."

"Oh believe me I haven't, I suffer with nightmares which cause me to lose days of sleep at a time. My friend Sal and I have the same..."

"Sal Fisher?" Mitchell interrupted and leant forward, raising his brow as he moved. "What a fantastic young man he is. He would be a perfect friend for you to have River. Sal has been through a tremendous amount of pain himself over the years, naturally I cannot disclose that information but let's say you two would really help each other... I'm glad that friendship has been established"

"Oh yeah, Sal and Larry are my best friends. I haven't had friends before but that gang, including Ashley and Todd are the best. None of them are judgemental and I feel really safe with them..." I smile and feel my mood begin to lift as I speak about the gang.

"Well I'd like to task you with something before you go River, if you wouldn't mind?"

"What is it?" I lean back, pressing my notebook hard against my chest.

"I would like you to show someone, just one person your pictures in your notebook. Embrace them, show them your talent and allow yourself to open up further. You've made huge steps today when in all honesty I didn't know if you would even entertain the idea of this session. Even if it is one picture, a small doodle you have done at home, show them..."

"Oh man" I feel my hands get clammy as my grip tightens. "I don't know if I can do that... it's just I don't want anyone to feel pity on me. This notebook is the one place I can almost show my mom my pictures..."

"Then let your friends experience them too. Even your dad? Your mom would want people to see the talented artist you have become. It's been 5 years now, I can only imagine the growth you have made"

"Alright.. I'll give it a shot. What if I can't do it?" I question him.

"Then you continue to try, each little step you make just ensure you are comfortable doing so. Is there anything you are working on right now?" He smiles and leans forward.