The Freaks | Sally Face

Chapter 93: Raindrops

A/N: Hi everyone! Just want to write a small note to say thank you for continuing to support this story. This chapter felt very raw to me to write and I truly connected with River whilst transferring this into the story. I had listened to one particularly song whilst writing this chapter which really allowed me to transport into her mind and capture how she was feeling.

If you would like to experience the feelings and emotions that perhaps I felt whilst writing this; I was listening to Scott Street - Phoebe Bridgers (Sped Up) on YouTube. It was a sound that I had heard whilst scrolling on TikTok and it inspired me to write this chapter. Again, you do not need to do this, but I have seen some authors include songs that inspired them whilst writing before. If you do read this chapter with the song playing, please let me know what you thought!

I hope you're all well and enjoy the latest chapter!

River's POV:-

The past few hours have been a blur. From getting back to the apartments, gathering a few of my things and making my way down to the basement... it's all felt a little bit too surreal. Sal and Larry have barely left my side, trying their best to put a smile on my face but, if I'm being completely honest. I'm too tired to smile. I'm too tired to feel anything but guilt and grief. My Dad wasn't dead, I knew that deep within my soul, but the feeling of him not being close to me, not being able to know what had happened to him. It was as if he was dead. My eyes flickered constantly, my brain not being able to shut down but my body struggling to keep awake. I knew that if I fell asleep, I would be met with countless nightmares, countless demons keeping my subconscious from having any peace. Even if it was just for a moment, my mind would not allow me to rest. Endless thoughts continued to fly through my brain, all going back to my dad and where the hell he was. The reason he went missing was because of me. Because I was selfish, because I didn't tell him the truth and instead caused an eruption in our near perfect relationship. He was all I had, the only person I needed, and I ruined everything. Just by being me.

I had been rolling back and forth, tossing and turning every waking moment that Sal and Larry had been sleeping. They tried their best to stay awake with me, but they knew that it would be a long night ahead of me. Larry was gently snoring in his bed, whilst Sal laid perfectly still by my side. I stared at him for hours, studying every indent in his skin, the marks and the discolouration of his pink and purple features. It was something to take my thoughts away. Just looking at him, looking at his perfect self and knowing that I was the one he chose, the one he wanted by his side... that's what kept me going despite wanting to give up. I wanted to turn myself over to the Devourers, be rid of their constant torment and pain but the boys would never allow me to make that sacrifice. If truth be told, I was afraid. So deathly afraid that they would attack again soon and come after one of the boys. I knew they had my dad already, something told me this the moment that he stepped foot out of the door. It was an opportunity for them to strike and of course, they took their moment.

I rolled onto my back, a sharp pain shooting itself up to the back of my neck from laying on a blanket mattress on the floor with Sal. Lisa had promised to get me a blow-up mattress whilst I was staying with them. The poor woman was distraught when we walked in the door. Lisa loves my dad, and I could tell she was crying when we got there. The glistening skin around her beautiful hazel eyes couldn't be hidden under even the dimmest of lights. My immediate thought was that this reminded her of Jim leaving her and going 'missing'. Despite never really knowing what happened to her husband, her body and mind will always remember that trauma. Knowing that I was now going to have to experience that, after everything that has been already thrown at me, hurt her. She was a mother after all, and no one would want a child to have to go through the trials and tribulations that the boys and I have been through. The ticking of Larry's alarm clock was being to grate on me, and I knew I had to move around. I placed a small kiss on Sal's fragmented forehead, causing him to stir and smile in his sleep before he turned onto his side. A small smirk appeared on my face for a moment before the numbness once again took over. I crawled out of the blankets, putting on one of Sal's dark jumpers, my vans and grabbed my cigarettes out of my jeans pockets and placed them into my sweats. I needed some fresh air and right now, I just wanted to be alone to think about what I was going to do next. I grabbed my phone, checking the time and seeing it was a little after 4am and headed out of Larry's back exit of his bedroom. Climbing the stairs, I could already feel the fresh night air. I begged for it to heal my painfully sore eyes, my rough and scratchy cheeks and for it to give me some relief. When I pulled on the door handle, I was met with such grace. The air bashed against my skin, causing my body to shiver and respond to its beauty. I took in a large breath, filling my lungs with the calm and cool air before gently closing the door behind me. I reached for my box of cigarettes, shakily lighting one before I inhaled the toxic fumes. The moment it hit the back of my throat; I felt an instant calmness that I hadn't experienced in hours. I hadn't smoked for a long time, beside tonight and it's all I wanted right now.