The Freaks | Sally Face

Chapter 104: The Merge

River's POV:-
I woke up a few hours later, my head lifting away from Larry's chest as we must have both crashed. I was so unbelievably exhausted but I had to get moving, I had to find out where Henry and Sal had gone and whether or not the cult have them. I quietly pulled myself out of Larry's bed and tiptoed across the way to the door, trying not to wake him. I snuck out of the room, noticing Travis sitting on the couch with the book firmly on the coffee table. Lisa sat opposite him, just watching him scan the pages and placing a post it note across the pages. I had to give it to him, he didn't have to help us, he didn't have to be working on this - especially considering he's not strong enough yet, but I could tell how desperate he was for this all to end. For all the torment and the despair to just fucking end.

Neither of them looked to see me standing there, so I crept into the bathroom - locking the door behind me. I had to have a shower, I don't remember the last time I did. Remnants of Travis' blood must still be on my skin, which makes me shudder at the thought of going through that again. I take off Larry's clothes, tossing them across the room and step into the shower. I turn the heat up so high, the room immediately fills with steam to the point I can barely see the tiles. I grab the shower gel, rubbing and scrubbing it all over my body until I feel it's clean again. I wash my hair over with some of Lisa's lovely smelling shampoo and just allow the droplets to caress my shrinking frame. The pattering of the water dances over my scars, the droplets weaving their way through the jagged skin bumps. I place my hand on the shower wall, closing my eyes to allow the thoughts in my brain to resurface. I felt like a horrible person, I felt like the worst human being in the entire world. Who kisses their best friend, the day her boyfriend goes missing? Worst of all, who kisses their boyfriend's best friend when he's gone? So many emotions rushed through my chest, hitting my heart hard as they sped through my rib cage. How could I do that to Sal? How could I do this to Larry? What the fuck was wrong with me?! I lean back towards the glass panelling, the droplets hitting my cheeks and chest like weights beginning to pile up on me.

Did I regret kissing Larry? No. I didn't. I can't deny that I haven't had some feelings grow towards him in these past months. It's always been us when times have gotten extremely hard. The first time when I flashed back to Stacey and Megan's death, he was there to comfort me. When Sal ran off after a mental break, Larry was there to pick me up. Preparing to bring Sal home from the hospital... Larry was there. Larry's always been right by my side. I washed my face over with my palms, feeling the water trickle down my jaw and across my ears. But then, Sal... I've had a connection like no other when I'm with Sal. The way he looks at me, the way he smiles for no reason when he catches my attention, the way he holds me all night long and makes sure I'm ok. The way his blue hair shimmers in the evening sun, his hand grabbing mine as we'd stroll across the park and go to the tree to speak.

Pain. Stabbing, vicious pain in my chest. In my heart. I felt myself sinking in the shower, my knees buckling as my ass finally connects with the floor. The shower continuing to beat down aggressively against my skin. I wrap my arms around my knees and rest my forehead against my forearms. What the fuck am I doing? Why was I put on this earth? I couldn't take down the cult without Sal and there I was kissing his best friend behind his back. I'm no better than the cult.  Sal would never have done this to me. Why did I do this to him? He could be fucking dead somewhere and I've done this.

At that moment, the world all came crashing down on my shoulders. Reality was a fucking bitch and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I sobbed like I've never sobbed before and just let it all out in the shower. I was the worst person in the world and I deserved the pain I've got. Stacey and the fembots were right, I was a worthless piece of shit. I wasn't worth it. I wasn't going to be able to defeat these people. I wasn't going to be the hero and save us all. I was a fucking kid. I'm barely 18 years old and yet, the whole world is resting on my shoulders. I never asked for this. I wanted a normal life, with my mom and dad and my friends. Not this. Not this never ending cycle of hell. I don't know how much longer I can keep fighting... I can't keep fighting...