A Second Chance (Marco x Fem Reader)

Chapter 62

Entering the room to see Sasha still showing no indication of life was hard to say the least. Not that you really believed it at all, but there had been a small part of you hoping you'd see her sit upright, munching on some kind of snack while complaining about how tired she was.

Mikasa and Armin had calmed down a bit, Mikasa resting her face against his shoulder with only quiet whimpers leaving her lips. Armin just sat there, quietly looking at Sasha with a hurt expression. You led Connie over to her before crouching down by her face, gently dipping the cloth in the basin of water, cleaning the blood off of Sasha's face and hands. You were solely focused on her, not even paying your slightly stiffened, bloodstained hands no mind. Either that or your mind was protecting you from the breakdown just waiting to happen once you had to scrub it off. The clear water soon turned red. Connie moved stray strands of hair away from her face as you prepared the tablecloth. It felt surreal to cover her the same way you've covered previous dead comrades, and you hesitated once reaching her face. That beautiful, funny, kind face...

Your breath quickened; you weren't ready for this. How do you even begin to comprehend not seeing your dearest friend ever again? If it weren't for Connie noticing your panicked expression and shaking hands, you're not sure you could've gone through with it. With his own quivering hands on top of yours, you lowered the cloth, covering up the last part of her.

...

The rest of the journey back went by slowly. You had curled up by her covered body the entire time, an arm and your head resting atop her chest with your face buried into the nook of your elbow, all in an effort to spare the rest the sight of your continuous streams of tears. Your breathing was under control enough to pass as just a little uneasy breathing, but there was no way to control the tears, so you gave up on trying after only a few minutes.

If you closed your eyes you could pretend this was just another one of yours and Sasha's sleepovers; Familiar and innocent. But the cold, slightly stained cloth was a grim reminder of the reality and the permanency of the situation...

You laid there, just listening to Connie unravelling more and more the closer you got to Paradis. He's always been good at masking his sadness and pushing it aside, like with his family. But this was just too much for him, and understandably so. Jean and Marco had also returned to the room after a while, Jean sitting in a corner, covering his ears to keep Connie's cries out. Marco sat with his head buried into his arms. He had tried to push away his own sorrows to comfort and support Connie, but as Connie's cries worsened he couldn't keep it up anymore.

The arrival at the coast of Paradis was anything but cheerful, as the four of you helped carry her out and load her into one of the wagons of the train. As you sat down beside her you comforted yourself with the only good thing that came out of tonight; at least you had something to bring back to her family that they could bury. That is a luxury many families of soldiers in the Scout's weren't promised, and you remembered the other casualties and how they were left behind. You wouldn't have wanted that to be her...

~

The following days you had cooped yourself up in your room, passing the time switching between crying and feeling numb while laying in Sasha's bed. You didn't leave for anything other than hygienic purposes, not wanting to taint Sasha's bed in any way.

Jean, Marco and Connie all rotated on who brought you food and ate with you, always in silence as you never felt like talking. Marco was the only one you've really vented to, seeing as he was present when you snapped the second night back. Connie would snuggle up in Sasha's sheets beside you, resting his sore eyes for a bit, comforted by the familiar smell the same way as you.