Natasha Romanoff x Fem reader One-shots

How long? - SJ

it's really not a good night for me so excuse any mistakes. i'm sorry btw

Warnings: all of them really, cutting, suicidal references, loneliness, ED... yano the ish

Mama! Scar. Reader is 16.

All rights reserved! This is my own story!

It hurts so much to wake up every day. Most people say I should be lucky to see the sun shining through my window, but in reality, all I see is a cloud above my head. Constant darkness following me. All I want is for it to stop and I only know one way how to make it all go away. If I make it happen, all the pain and hurt will go at once and I would love nothing more. "Y/N, i'm home!" My mum shouted. Yay I internally said. I was quick to realise I wasn't wearing a hoodie to cover up my red slashes on my skin, so I pull my blanket up my neck and hold it tightly there.

"Hey swee- oh my... this room is a bit messy, babe..." she laughed as she sat down next to me. "You usually jump into my arms to see me here sweetheart... Are you feeling okay?" she asked feeling my forehead. I just pushed her off me and faced the other way, not a single word leaving my dehydrated mouth. "Y/N... sweetie?" She asked looking at me once more. Her face was worried, and she kept trying to lean over to see my face, so I just dug my face further into my covers. "Yano, it's 7pm... if you can, try and get up for me" Mum spoke. With that I just pulled the covers closer to me. "Okay... I'll be downstairs if you need me sweetheart..." she said worry covering her words and she left but not without giving me a kiss on my forehead.

As soon as that door closed, small tears began coming out of my eyes. I wanted mum to hold me, but she'd hate me the moment she'd see the cuts. I can't stop though. Her coming home made me feel more alone for some reason. I sat up in my bed and surveyed my arms. Silently counting the cuts, however I lost count after one. The loss of not doing it in many hours burdened my brain, yet I didn't want to get up.

I stammered up and let my clothes drop down to the floor and I picked up a hoodie and some sweatpants from a couple of days ago off the same floor. They were dragged along behind me as I got into the bathroom. When I got in, I shut the door and threw the clothes onto the counter. God I'm ugly. I just need to stop eating for a bit longer then, I'll be skinny like mum. I really hate the way I look. The sensation of dragging the metal across my arm became a daily habit. Like I needed it more than anything in the world.

Firstly, I cut my arms, then I did a few cuts on the empty spaces on my legs, then my stomach. Each one feeling a relief. Finally. "You deserve this you ugly fucking useless bitch" I muttered to myself.

Then time stopped. The door of the bathroom opened, and mum stood there. Eyes widened at the scene of me, her daughter, on the floor in her underwear and bra, covered in cuts, ribs showing. "Fuck..." she said under her breath. She lowered herself onto her knees and shut the door behind her and locking it, stopping Rose from coming in and seeing me like this. I didn't even realise I was still cutting my arm till mum spoke up. "Can you give me that, sweetheart? Please..." She asked. A single tear fell down her face, probably in embarrassment from seeing me.

I didn't and couldn't move. The ache in my muscles from the exhaustion had caught up to me. Mum kept eye-contact with me as she nodded her head, motioning that she was going to take the blade from my hand. Her hands were gentle and removed the blade from my possession. "Okay... Okay. Y/N sweetheart can you still hear me?" She asked. I couldn't move. All I could do was keep eye-contact with her. Mum then lifted her hands up to cup my face. "Baby... please talk to me." she said as more tears fell. "I-I just." I started. "Shhh, don't tell me why. Not yet. Let's just... clean you up, okay?" I slightly nodded and mum began running a bath whilst stopping any deep cuts from bleeding. "Okay... Okay..." she kept saying to herself.

Her hands guided themselves up my body to help lift me up and into the tub. She didn't once leave the bathroom. Whilst I was in the tub, she was sat by the side sobbing lightly. "I'm not angry at you, Y/N before you say anything... I just... wish I could've done better." I just hummed in response and mum began rubbing shampoo into my hair that had begun falling out due to the malnutrition. "That's nice mama..." I said tilting my head back. "Good." She said not daring to mention anything.

Soon enough the bath had finished, and mum was carrying into my room. "I shouldn't be able to carry you this easy, baby." I know she was still blaming herself, so I just caressed her hand that was holding mine to show her it's okay. "Can I ask... How long?" she said hesitantly. "I don't know. I lost count of the days. I'm sorry mama..." I replied looking down. "Don't do that... don't say sorry. I'm here now and I'm not leaving you, my baby." Mum said kissing my forehead. "Now get some rest, I'll be here all the time that you're asleep my darling. I am not leaving you..."

"Promise?" I asked.

"I Promise."

You lot, as you can tell tonight isn't a good night, I just want you all to know like just in case I haven't said enough I love you all and you're the best people in the world. You all mean to much to me so I'm sorry I just give you writing of how I feel. Yes this is all me. I am a suicidal teenager who cuts themselves. Glad we cleared that up. See you whenever I'll see you all. Goodnight x