Are so called love ?- (A zaynmalik & meganfox dirty love story) (IN EDITING)

Chapter 15 : The promises i cant keep .

* ZAYN P.O.V*

there it was again .... i hurted her ... again even though i vowed i wouldnt .

I kept making he feel worse about her self and i already knew it , my stomach felt like it was sinking . I was sick . Megan made me feel this way of disorder . When i saw her cry i melted , i knew i damage her beyond repair .

I leaned over to help her up , and then it happend .

She flinched .

Like i was going to hit her again

' Zayn please dont hit me , im sorry ' she pleaded crying and gasping for air .

 The fuck ? i wasnt going to hit her , my intensions where good i just wanted to help her .

' Baby , please let me help you up im sorry .' I whimperd ... there i was again about to cry , i felt the tears starting to over whelmed my eyes .

' no , so you can push me back down again ? im fine honestly , ill be okay , im not going to run away .'

She was so scared . I could tell by the way she was talking that she just wanted to run away .... far away , some where no one could find her , or know her name . Basically , away from me .

I backed up and sat on the edge of the bed . I was lost , i couldnt believe megan was scared of me . I covered my mouth because i didnt want people to hear my cries .

' megan , you cant leave if you want to , just dont be scared of me . please baby im begging you ' I manage to let the words escape my gulity consence .

She slipped out the room as fast as she could .

Just a couple of secouds later harry and louis came in the room to comfort me .

' Zayn , just let her go , your both killing each other , megan is not even speaking , she lost . ' harry put his arm around my shoulder and louis sat on the other side .

' You both cant go on like this , i think megan mentally ill ' louis said .

' You dont even understand how much i fucking love her and hate her at the same time ' i confessed .

' i have tried to forget and get over and break up with her but i cant she keeps alluring me .... You dont even KNOW how diffult and how much it burns when i hurt her , i know im responsible for her tears and emotional damage ! When i look at her harry you dont even know , she isnt the same anymore . I Broke her down. When we first were togather everything was perfect and she was perfect nothing about her looks change but i cut her internally with the insults and down grading , everything i said to her killed her , then over the years her personality changed , i used and abused her so much that she cant even tell im just playing her .  HARRY i swear to god all i wont is for her to be happy and do better things with her life then get abused by me , be pregnet at 21 and be dependent on us . And im not marrying her anytime soon everytime i bring up marriage she changes the idea and avoids it . i can tell she doesnt want to ever get married after the first times we fuck at 14 , she told me . Then after she broke off the proposal with bobby she told me she was never getting that close to marriage or someone again . We were never going any where with are furture even if we had kids she wouldnt marry me i already know it . Thie realtionship is getting close to a dead end when it comes to the point i want to marry her and move out of here get are own place and put a baby in her bell and make her the mother of my child . But i know megan she will never be ready for any of this and then eventually , im going to have to move on and leave her im noting going to boyfriend and girl friend forever it just doesnt work like that .'

' There you go you just said it your self .... let her go zayn ' Louis grasped my shoulder .

' Go tell her , so you both can move on and we can all be happy !' harry insisted .

I went to find megan . I found her by hearing her crying and sniffle . She was in Niall room . I sat beside her and wrapped my arms i around her , i stuffed my face in her shoulder and cried when her , eventually she gave up her hostle-ness and put her head on my lap while i layed my head on her upper back .

Her hair smelled like strawberries and cocunut , it relaxed me .

I finally got myself to gather (though i was still crying a bit)

' Megan .... ' She sat up looking at me . Her beautiful grey eyes and perfect long dark brown hair , her perfect cheeck structure , her perfect face and body , she was just perfect to me . Breaking her hurt only hurt me as much as it did to her cause i didnt want to let her go in reality .

She swiped the tears from her face .

' We cant be togather ......ever ' there was a long pause because both of our emotion were coming back .

' were both damageing and killing each other and are realtionship has met a final dead end ..... for good ' my voice was shaking and the back of my throat was buring from trying to force my emotions back down my throat .

Megan on the other hand was bawling but was cracking a smile because she knew it was true , i really admire her for that because this moment was the roughest patch we had ever been threw . And it hurted BAD .

She grabbed my hand and held it tight .

' I knew this for the longest , i was scared to tell you , i was just waiting for you to relize what you were doing ' .

She kissed me for the last time and excused her self from niall's room .

That was it .... no more us .... we were done . I thought she was my furture wife . The one i would take home to my mom . But when he walked out the room it came to me .... it really hit me what she had just said .

if she knew , why would she stick around threw my bullshit ?

And it came to me .... megan went threw it all just for me to relize what i was doing , for my own good , for my own lesson .

So i can wait , for when she ready to get married .

Even if it took eternity .

i would wait , she was worth it .