When you was just a youngin', your looks were so precious
But now you're grown up, so fly it's like a blessing
But you, can't have a man look at you for five seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It's seems like you came back ten times over
Now you're sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder
See you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love
How to love, mmm
See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
Hope
I got out the hospital 2 days ago and I've been staying at Laurens house. I haven't seen or talked to Legend but I wasn't going to let that make me feel any kind of way because I was already going through enough. The police still haven't got back with me as far as my case so I don't know if they caught Blake or not. All I knew was that I wanted this never ending nightmare to end. I was so tired of getting the short end of the stick and things needed to change and change fast. The first thing I was going to do was stop feeling so damn sorry for myself. I was also done with letting people do me any kind of way. I refused to sit around crying and moping all day so I got up and went into the bathroom to shower and get my life together. As soon as I was done I opened the bathroom door and bumped directly into Legend.
Hey
Let me holler at you right quick.
We both walked into Lauren's other bedroom that I had been sleeping in and he shut the door. I sat down on the bed and he came and sat next to me.
Why is this my first time seeing you?
I've been out tryna handle shit Hope.
Shit like what? Blake? The police will handle him Legend don't do anything stupid.
Hope you really think this shit gone work in yo favor? His father gone make sure that he twist this shit to they advantage. You should've went to the police when he put his hands on you instead of trying to avoid the shit because it's all coming back to bite you in the ass. Then you keep forgetting you 17, they gone have to involve your legal guardian. Are you ready to finally tell them everything he made you do and most importantly do you have the proof? It's all of their words against yours. Why even go through all of that when I'm giving you the easiest way out.
How do you sleep at night knowing you kill people?
You said that like I'm a serial killer.
A killer is a killer.
I sleep perfectly fine Hope.
Legend I wanna like and trust you so bad but something about you scares me. Are you afraid of dying?
No, why would I be when I know that's the one thing in life I'm guaranteed and it ain't no escaping. You gotta tighten up Hope, you keep letting these same mfs get off on you without no consequences. As a real nigga I can't just sit around and let that happen. You deserve to for once have somebody that'll fight for you, I keep telling you that.
And who do you have fighting for you? Who's the person in your corner to stop you from making stupid mistakes? And stopping you from throwing your life away? Legend your something more than that hard outer shell you show the world. Deep down inside your a good person and I know you are.
It's called survival Hope, the good guy always finishes last so this how I gotta be. As a kid I never thought I'd be like this but a lot of shit forced the way I am on me. I don't complain though, I play the hand I was dealt and keep shit moving, can't be out here standing still cause time gone move forward regardless.
I just feel like your so much better than all this.
And why you feel like that? I'm from the hood. Life was typical as hell for me. I ain't have no full ride to nobody's university. I ain't have the type of mama that was putting money to the side in a college or trust fund. Both of my parents was in the streets which forced me to be the same way, only difference is I didn't sell drugs instead I steal shit from mfs I don't know. Every time I bust a jug I think about who's life I could possibly be fucking up but yet I still do it.
Like you said Legend, your just surviving. Those people can eventually get back on their feet and fix what you did to them. I rather you do that than takes someone's life. That's something they can't come back from.
Anybody I ever killed deserved that shit trust me. You think about what I said, I'll get back at you later.
Where are you going?
Over Regina's to meet up with Lauren and Genesis.
Can you come back over later?
I'll swing by and grab you then we can go to my crib.
Ok.
Come lock the door and don't answer it for nobody.
Ok.
After Legend left I thought about what he said. Maybe Blake being dead would solve some of my issues but then if he dies his father will have to as well and I'm not trying to have multiple bodies being dropped because of me. But then again he was right because if the police did catch Blake and prosecute him there's a very good chance that Julian would have to be involved and he's just someone I'm not trying to ever run into again.
I let out a big sigh as I flopped down on Lauren's couch.
Why the hell is my life this hard at 17...
