Lennox
I was laying on the couch watching tv and my phone had rung. I picked it up and saw that Lauren was calling again. She had been blowing me up for the last three days and she still hadn't caught the memo that I wasn't gone answer for her. So to dead all that shit I blocked her ass. The doorbell rang so I went to my camera app to see who it was and saw that it was Legend and Genesis. I got up and went to let them in.
Damn niggas ain't seen or heard from you in three days. What yo ass on Genesis asked walking through the door.
Shit just chilling I said walking back into the living room and sitting down.
Genesis reached into the ashtray and lit my blunt.
Damn nigga you just do whatever the fuck you wanna do.
Duh, he said blowing smoke in my direction.
G somebody gone fuck you up one day Legend told him shaking his head.
It's gone be me.
Whatever he said getting up and leaving out the living room.
Where you going with my wood?
I gotta shit, roll another one.
Legend why you bring yo brother to my house?
That's yo brother. What's really up with you though?
Ain't shit up.
You sure? Lauren said you ain't been answering and you broke up with her.
Yea I did, Lauren ain't a hundred.
She the realist female I know.
Yea if I was a bro or a homeboy I could agree. But as a girlfriend she got shit she need to work on.
Like what?
She ain't good at expressing herself or keeping it one hundred. She had me over there really trying to put a baby in her and failed to mention the whole time she was on birth control. Instead of just being honest and letting a nigga know she ain't want kids she left me in the dark and I can't rock with her if she on that type of time.
I understand what happened to yo first kid, and I know it wasn't easy to do that to your second one. But you gotta just go with the flow you can't be out here tryna put a baby in somebody thinking it's gone fix the pain you feeling from the first two.
I never said it would fix it, but I feel like it would help.
What y'all talking about Genesis asked walking back into the room.
He was tryna have a baby with Lauren but he ain't know she was on birth control and she doesn't want kids.
Everybody know Lauren don't want kids because of what happened.
What you mean because of what happened?
G shut the hell up sometimes. That ain't yo business to tell Legend told him.
He our damn brother we can't keep it real with him?
She our family too. It's called minding yo business and staying neutral.
Man fuck all that. When Lauren was 14 she was walking home from cheerleading practice and she got snatched by the local neighborhood predator named lulu. He beat up and raped Lauren. She was able to get away because the Nigga got high off some coke and passed out. Lauren's daddy ended up killing that nigga and them pigs still gave him 25 years for murder. They just said Fuck the fact that the nigga he killed raped his daughter. Not only did lulu kidnap, take her virginity, rape and beat her up he also got her pregnant. On top of her going through all of that she had to lay on an abortion table and abort her rapist baby. From that moment forward Lauren said she never wanted kids or she didn't want to fuck with niggas, only bitches. Now that I think about it, you the only Nigga I've ever heard of her messing with. If she did have other niggas we never knew about it.
See that's the shit I'm talking about right there. Why not keep it real and tell me that, I would've never went there knowing she experienced something like that.
That's because she don't like to talk about it. She tries to act like it never happened. That's why I don't know why this dummy felt the need to tell you that.
I tuned Legend and Genesis out as they sat there arguing back and forth. I told Lauren a lot of shit I wanted to keep buried, but because I was rocking with her I shared it. I'm sure being raped ain't easy to talk about nor do I want to pressure her into doing so. Imma just continue to give us some time apart so that I can deal with my own shit. Then when the time is right I'll talk to her.
LENNOX
yea what up?
Damn nigga I just called yo name four times.
My bad I was thinking about something.
You tryna go to mama house with me? She cooked and Legend bouta go lay up.
Yea, let me change my shirt.
I went upstairs to change then came back downstairs. Legend had already left so me and Genesis got ready to do the same thing. As soon as we opened the front door Lauren was standing right there.
Can I talk to you?
Me and G bouta head to Regina house so another time.
Damn, I just remembered I had to meet up with Gerald, we can slide over there another time.
I gave him a "really nigga" look and he proceeded to his car. I looked back at Lauren and I could tell this whole situation been messing with her head.
Come in.
I went into the living room and she followed behind me. We both just sat there as I waited for her to talk.
Lennox there's a reason I don't want kids. Something happened to me that I hate to talk about.
I know what it is Lo, it's cool. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable so you don't gotta say shit.
Who told you?
G. And don't be mad at him, he just wanted me to know the truth.
So now that you know the truth what?
Imma first apologize for coming at you the way I did.
And I want to apologize for not telling you the real reason for me feeling the way I felt. So where does that leave us?
Honestly Lo I gotta take some time and get my mind back right. I'm mentally messed up right now.
I still wanna be there for you. Before we even gave dating a try I considered you a friend. If you ever need or want to talk I'm still a phone call away.
Good looking Lo, real talk.
Before I get ready to go, can I ask you something?
What up?
What did you do to her?
It don't even matter, and it's best that you don't even know.
I can respect that. Well I guess I'll see you around.
Fasho.
Once Lauren left I went back to chilling and let my mind drift back to that night. After I pulled the trigger I drove to a warehouse in Philly where I met a man by the name of Dru, I watched him as he chemically destroyed Ariel's body then replaced the interior in my car. After I changed my clothes I got in my truck and was headed back to Baltimore when I decided to go see my mama. The cemetery was closed but I still managed to find a way inside. I sat at my mothers grave in dead silence trying to make up my mind. Once I finally did I pulled out my gun and placed it up against the right side of my temple. Without even giving it a second thought I pulled the trigger. I did it repeatedly and nothing happened, the clip was empty. I then remembered that I gave my still loaded gun that I killed Ariel with to Dru. I failed at taking my own life. Flooded with guilt and anger I got back in my car and headed to the freeway where I ended up at Laurens house. I really didn't give a fuck about Ariel and I was happy that she was dead. It was about the baby. Someone had deprived my first child of life and I turned right around and did the same thing to my second one. I guess that's why I was trying so hard with Lauren because of guilt. I've killed people before but this was fucking with me in a different way. I felt like I was about to go crazy, and it wasn't gone be good for anybody....
