Meenakshi

PART 32

Meenakashi's POV

I silently left the kitchen and went to the wash area and seeing so many clothes made me feel anxious but I decided to first wash my children's school uniform. After washing few clothes, I went to the dining area to see that everyone were having lunch.

I didn't know how to face my husband after listening to his cruel words. He was always very polite to everyone and listening such words from his mouth made me feel devastated. I understood that the little bond which I thought we had was just my delusion. I understood that he could never have any feelings for me. He was just tolerating me in his life. I understood that he would never choose me or try to understand me. I knew that I was wrong for being rude to my mother in-law but the words my husband used made me understand my place in my husband's life. I felt like my husband was only treating me like a maid in the day and like a sex toy in the night. I hated that feeling.

I felt like loving my husband all these years was my foolishness. I decided to stop treating him like my God. I decided to only concentrate on my children. I knew that I had no one in this house except my children.

I went to the wash area to avoid my husband's presence in the house. He left for Hyderabad in the evening and when everyone were busy sending him off, I didn't even come out of the wash room but my tears were not stopping. I understood that even though he doesn't care for me, I couldn't stop loving him. But I decided to atleast stop showing my love. After my husband left, I was with my children cheering them up as they were looking very sad.

Days were passing, my husband called me multiple times but I didn't answer the calls as I didn't want to talk to him. My mother in-law and Sudha started behaving normally with me which made me feel relieved but I started feeling very anxious around them as I knew that my one mistake could anger them. I hated feeling so anxious. I started avoiding them. My grandmother in-law was the only person I talked to after my children went to school.

I just wanted to avoid any possible conflicts and only wanted to fullfill my responsibilities silently. My children were my only happiness, after their father started living in Hyderabad they became even more attached to me.

One day when I was in the kitchen my brother in-law came to the kitchen and gave me his mobile phone saying that his brother wants to talk to me. He left the kitchen after giving me his mobile and I kept the phone near my ear but didn't even open my mouth. Both of us were silent as if wanting the other person to talk first. After few minutes of silence, my husband asked me if I was fine which instantly brought tears to my eyes and I immediately cut the call. I went to the living hall and gave the phone to my brother in-law.

I lost the courage to talk to my husband. I was afraid of his behaviour. I was afraid of getting hurt again. I didn't want to annoy anyone, I didn't want anyone to hate me. I just want little peace.

That week I only spent my time with my children and my grandmother in-law. On Saturday, my husband came home in the night. Everyone were happy to meet him but I only wanted to avoid him. Later everyone went to their rooms to sleep and my children went to our room to sleep. After the lights of our room were turned off, I went to our room to sleep.

I went to my side of the bed to sleep and then my husband suddenly said, "Why didn't you answer my calls?" which shocked me as I didn't expect him to stay awake but I chose to ignore him and pretended to sleep. He snatched the blanket from me and said, "I know that you are not sleeping. Get up and answer me now!!" which annoyed me so I said, "Even if I really slept you wouldn't care! You would just drag me wherever you want." Listening to my words he calmed down and said, "Are you still upset?" which angered me but I stayed silent. He then got up from his side of the bed and came to my side and said, "I was wrong to scold you like that. But you were rude to my mother which I could never tolerate. I know I overreacted but I regret it now."

Not getting any response from me he started showering my face with kisses to lessen my anger but those kisses didn't make me feel excited like everytime instead they made me feel cheap. The cruel words which he said started ringing in my ears continuously.

My husband stopped kissing me after realising that I was crying. He asked me if I was fine to which I said, "This is the only reason you talk to me and need me. Other than that you don't have any feelings for me" to which my husband said, "Why are you talking like this? I already said that I was wrong. Words just slipped out of my mouth in anger" which angered me and I said, "Your every word should be tolerated if you are angry. But no one forgives me even if I fall on their feet. No one talks to me if I make a small mistake."

Seeing me cry, my husband hugged me and repeatedly apologised for his behaviour but I didn't know if I could forgive him for his words. From our childhood, I was always hurt by his ignorance but I never knew that his words could be even more hurtful.

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