What An Old Heart Wants (L.s)

Chapter 20 On The Road

Louis's Pov

Everything was quiet. The only sound that drifted within the air was the humming of the engine of the old tour bus.

Three days had passed and through that time it was full of driving, another day of rehearsal and another show.

I could feel it; I was numb already.

The lads however, had been keeping the energy and spirits high all around me, constantly talking and sight seeing, the adrenaline pulsing non stop.

We had only performed two shows and I already want to throw myself out the window of the bus. It just didn't sit right with me. I itched constantly for a blade and squirmed in pain from my stomachs and the cut I had made a but ago before tour that haven't even started to heal yet.

But the one thing that helped, and that something I thought I'd never say, was Harry.

Each time any of the lads looked at me, I could feel their questions rolling down my back, their stares all like an eagle's, watching my every move.

But Harry, Harry, was different as always. He just seemed to get it.

He gave me the space, he didn't look at me all the time or stared at me to the point I'd thought drool would start to fall but instead gave me a warm feeling of comfort inside.

I did have to admit; it annoyed me at first to share a room with him because I thought, if he got me alone, he'd attack me with questions in the way I thought he would, the nosey buggar.

But he didn't. He simply stayed quiet but alert, welcoming and not intrusive at all. Even made me breaky, that I couldn't eat, and my favorite, yorkshire tea for the past two time we stayed in hotels and shared a room each time.

I'd rather have it this way now. It was easier to breathe, to enjoy the silence when Harry was beside me, on his phone or with a book. I admired him for even finding time to indulge in a book without having the need to nap all day.

It was getting hard, to hide emotions from him because even though he stayed silent and alert, he was very observant and caught onto things quickly without needing any words to guide him.

Another thing that I admired about him. He grew wiser through the years, being that he was the youngest, he'd act like it during the beginning days of the new band but now, his intelligence would go missed by others until he proved them wrong and he quite often did.

Harry was charming, intelligent, kind, funny, wise, talented and just so much more. He deserves the whole world and he did have it, he has it in his reach but he never wanted to grab it.

Another thing to add to the growing list of how much I love and admire him for. He stayed humble and at times modest, as if he couldnt accept it in himself that he was the Harry Styles, the man that has the whole world falling for him because he deserves it, the man who has never hurt anyone else and has lived on the phrase 'treat people with Kindness' when I helped him break free from Simon and West's grasp for two years to show the whole a whole new side of him...

The true and unapologetic side of him..

The list was a never ending list, I realized as my thoughts were consumed by Harry again and again. Sharing a room with him, just like we used to in the old band days, just brought him back to me. It helped me forget, but then it would always come back to the self loathing and the truth of it all.

I could never have him. Because he would never want me ever.

I had to accept it and repeat it to myself that I deserved nothing but then Harry would break me out of my dark thoughts as I catch him looking at me and then he'd smile, never once looking away like he'd used to.