Niall's Pov
I think the one thing I missed the most about the road was waking up before any of the lads. I was alone, I could watch the window and watch the trees fly by while drowning out the roar of the engine with music from my phone or random chords from the guitar.
That's what happened this morning. We were on our way to our first stop, outside of London. We had actually driven through the big city to the outskirts, close to where Harry lived too. I had woken up early right as the sun had rose and realized I was the only one. Usually, I wasn't, Liam was so I had grew accustomed to taking advantage of the times I do wake up before the morning man.
We had all fallen asleep on the couches. Harry help Louis to one when he fell asleep out of exhaustion from sobbing so hard and Harry held him close, not wanting to go. We didn't want to leave him either so me and Ziam crowded all one one couch while the other couple took the other however, I somehow ended up on the floor. Not that it bothered me because I graciously had taken Ziam's pillows and blankets. So I was proud of myself there.
This time, I didn't watch the rolling windows. I went into the bunks and laid down in my own bunk. I didn't have the energy to do anything; not even eat as I've felt like most days now. But now, I don't even know what to think.
Louis had just confessed to signing a contract that had made him into a forgotten celeb and a party boy so long as Simon and West didn't interfere with mine, Zayn's or Harry's solo work or interfere with ziam's relationship. Well, it certainly worked. I couldn't believe that Louis didn't tell us or tell us about Jay and Fizzy dying. I felt numb. I didn't want to think about them being gone but now that I think about it, I noticed that's why Hay wasn't answering her phone while Louis was in the hospital or had even visited. It was Lottie who did.
How could we not notice this before? I'd never know. Still, I couldn't wrap my head around the entire thing. Everything was just thrown into the air so fast last night...and honestly that overwhelmed me. I didn't tell the lads. Zayn was busy with Liam, Liam was busy with Zayn and Harry was busy with Louis and so on. So I'd just let them be.
That's how it always kinda went. I was the middle person; always had been. It's why people think I never have to deal with the drama but I'm in the middle of it all. The lads didn't know how much it really affected me and I wasn't planning on telling them anytime soon. They had other things to worry about, let's be honest and well me too. We were all in this together.
Albeit, I was glad for the hiatus. I had the chance to grow out of the vanilla, kid, stage the fans put me in from the start. When the band first started out, i was only seventeen. Young but not an adult yet, however I was thrown into the fame and superstardom with four other lads I had just met. I didn't know how to take in and adapt to it all and all the new experiences I had were both great and horrifying. Mainly horrifying.
The lads helped me and to be honest, the three oldest Zayn, Liam and Louis all treated me and Harry like their younger brothers. We all had each other. Till we didn't. So, I learned to be myself and not have that persona follow me anymore.
The darkness of the bunks soothed the thoughts in my head to a slow rumble across my temple. My eyes fluttered closed and I'd just relax. We had a big first show coming and across all platforms of the socials, the fans were more than excited. We were in north greater London for our show and after that we would be touring through the northern parts of England. I wished this would be last part of the tour but West and Simon made the tour big and worldwide. After England, we would be finishing the last bit of the northern American tour, head to Mexico and tour there before going to south America then Australia.
I just wanted it to be done now. Don't get me wrong, i loved performing but now it has begun to feel like a chore and i hated how i had to admit that to myself. It sucks. I loved the lads, they're my brothers, but I just, nothing and no one could fix this. I've never felt this low ever before and I've had plenty of lows. I don't want to think about him.
DU LIEST GERADE
What An Old Heart Wants (L.s)
Fanfiction*UNEDITED!!*WARNING: there are triggering topics in this book. There are warnings in certain chapters!* One direction had said they were going on an eighteen month break. Now it had been close to two years since their hiatus but it was time for them...
