What An Old Heart Wants (L.s)

Chapter 43 Home for Christmas

Niall's Pov

Christmas was fun with the family but if I had to admit something to myself, i felt alone. Would I admit it? I tried my hardest not to. I was surrounded by my family and friends all Christmas. So I drank, I ate, slept, laughed. I didn't allow myself to feel sadness. I didn't allow myself to feel those feelings till I was alone.

Thankfully, Christmas felt like a blink of an eye. I arrived that morning of Christmas and was welcomed into a huge hug with my brother, my parents, my young nephew and my two cousins. The house was full and for a bit I didn't feel lonely at first. But then came the presents and more smiles...and I thought, I should be happy.

But I'm missing something. Or someone.

Blake. He hasn't left my mind at all and that bothered me severely. He should've left my mind when I left him in America but he didn't and now he fucking lives in my head rent free. I was tired, barely living off of any sleep from the plane ride to Ireland and now, my cousins, Greg, my brother and my father all wanted to go to the pub. Socials spread fast and pretty much all of the fans knew I was home for Christmas which meant one of my good friends Lewis Capaldi knew too. He shot me a text when the sun started to climb down the sky. That's when all the uproar started to decline too.

And fuck, the day had been short as hell. I don't think there was a moment I stopped and think. I give out my little gifts and got some in return. A new sweater, new pair of shoes, an eagles vinyl and a bottle of my favorite alcohol. Don't get me wrong, I was finally happy to spend the time with my family but I just...for once in my Irish blood, did not want to go out to the pub. It reminded too much of him and that saddens me and pisses me off in an emotional mix.

I think me mum did catch a feeling I was feeling off. I tried smiling more while my little nephew, Theo, was playing with his new toys that little kids were playing with in twenty seventeen. Sometimes, I just wished I could be taken back to my childhood years because god, my emotions actually fucking made sense then.

I was sitting alone on the couch in my family's living room, watching Theo smile and laugh while he played with his new action figures. My mum was in the kitchen, probably cleaning or making some tea, and my father, cousins and my brother were behind me by the door. I wasn't listening to their conversation but at the same time, I knew what they're talking about. I was hoping they'd forget about and leave in a hurry to the pub before it got too late. Me and my mum were going to watch Theo for Greg even though Theo will be going to bed soon anyways. I couldn't wait to be in my own bed too.

Today has been exhausting though I loved it, loved being by family.

My thoughts were shattered by glass by a hand that clasped my shoulder strongly. I jumped slightly, whipping my head up to see my father smiling but there was a glint to his eye in question.

"Sorry, son, didn't mean to startle you there, but are you ready? We best be getting to the pub before it gets too late and crowded," there was a hint of concern in his voice but my cousins and Greg didn't pay any mind.

I forced a smile. "I don't think so, dad...not tonight."

That stopped time. Even my mother came out of the kitchen with a steaming cup in her hands but her face open wide with surprise.

Greg looked at me incredulously. "Wait, Niall, are you serious?"

He gave a little chuckle, him and our father certainly hoping I was joking but I seriously wasn't.

I stood, swiping non existent dust off of me to calm myself. "You think I'm joking, I'm not. I just, I'm pretty jet lagged and stuff-"

Greg cut me off with a point of his finger. "No, no, no. That's never stopped you before from getting a pint or two. Is there something going on? I mean, you did tell us about Louis and the news but...is there something else?"