What An Old Heart Wants (L.s)

Chapter 9 Rehearsals, Rehearsals

Louis's Pov

I didn't go to any of the rehearsals. Out of the four days, I stayed cooped up in my LA home where Simon let us be.

It was only to coax us to his good side. But seriously, who was gonna fall for his bullshit?

By all the calls I've received and ignored again, by Simon, Modest and the lads, I'm guessing Simon was getting irritated. So far, the lads have done nothing but kept their boundaries which actually made me feel a bit better being around them. They didn't act like they hated me but times like this, its shows they're worried.

Like whenever Simon gets mad.

I huffed from where I laid on my bed in my dull room, staring blankly at the ceiling. They were currently in rehearsal right now too as I thought about it but it was the last one until tomorrow where we would make our special appearance on The Late Late Show with James.

Of course, Simon had James post everywhere on his social media that he was having very special guests for publicity. But already, our fans knew that it was us. I mean, they were like spies. They found out about everything and as much as it astonishes me, it also made me feel anxious.

I just know management was gonna make James question me about the hiatus and my so called 'disappearance' and honestly, that made me angry.

With a sudden short burst of anger, I sat up and flung myself outta of my bed.

If I was gonna show up, might as well show up in style.

Of course, it was going to be my challenge to Simon. But at this point, I really didn't know what we were doing tomorrow on the show. Of course, I didn't really care as much but it was good to know so I don't fuck up anything as I always do.

Ripping open my dull closet, I slugglishly picked out a pair of black skinnes and a black long sleeve to hide my arms. Many, mnay scars, old and new, covered my arm, ruining most of my tattoos and my skin completely.

Thats one of the reasons why I hid during the hiatus. It was getting too hard to hide them or to have any motivation to hide them. Plus, I had to find new spots because my arms were covered so much; some scars were even on top of other scars.

I sighed, closing the door to my thoughts before they quickly turned in a twisted direction. I didn't want to add any more to the collection, not right before I was gonna see them all.

I wasn't even up for people. I wasn't up for doing anything really. I knew Simon was going to call me out. Nothing new with him calling me a useless bastard.

Oh well.

I got dressed quickly, ignoring the sights of the mirror that showed off my pudgy stomach with matching scars across my abdomen. I tried not to look, turning the other way, but I did so anyways, quickly snapping myself to stare at my stomach.

I poked at the skin, thumbing over the scars. It had only been a few months since I've done those and yet I wanted to do it again and again.

You could almost see my ribs poking through my grey skin that sagged with malnourishment. But in my mind it wasn't enough.

You're still too fat.

Even the four words that stabbed through my mind were enough to poke tears into my eyes. I shoved my shirt on, having enough.

So weak.

I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. Slowly, I grabbed for my vans, waiting. But another moment passed and soon I was at my front door with my keys in hand and a cigarette in the other.