What An Old Heart Wants (L.s)

Chapter 37 November/December

Liam's Pov

It's been two months. Two months since West threatened us and sent us to the UK. Two months filled pure hell of both a Simon and West piling stress and work on us as we performed through our Europe leg of the tour.

Our fans were confused, our friends were confused, hell even the whole world was confused about one certain members missing from the group. The one we had to leave behind.

Louis.

I think I could say that the whole band missed him. Well, that was more of an understatement. The air around the band became very cold and bored and just stressful which that was how the band used to be in the beginning direction days. This what we didn't want to happen. But it is.

West and Simon have been on our asses every single fucking day since we landed. There was no ounce of freedom at all if we even had any freedom to begin with. It's grown tiring; I've grown to be sick of performing and working and actually, just waking up.

Zayn was growing concerned for me. I had gone back to drinking. It was understandable but now, I really wished I had stayed sober. But everything disappears when I'm drunk and I loose my mind and well...I can't lie it feels great. Around the time we had released our third album together as one direction, I had begun my addiction to drinking. I never was proud of it but I couldn't stop for the longest time till Zayn forced me to go through rehab after he left the band.

That's when Zayn introduced the hiatus to us and the lads.

I never told the lads that it was actually Zayn's idea when I brought it up to them. At that moment, they didn't know Zayn was recovering. They didn't know we were talking. But my drinking problem had become a big problem within the band and even the fans. There were some photos going around of me on the internet that I'm of course not happy about.

All of this was taking me back to those dark moments of my life. Where I didn't have Zayn beside me, I put all my problems into a bottle and rink it all up, I was moody and dark and overall the air around me and the lads had become toxic. We still haven't talked about together as a four really, but I know for sure that it was toxic and tense with us.

The hiatus was a must. And now, I was seriously thinking of it again.

The mood of the band was always tired and dark. There were very little moments where we'd actually feel happy even on stage. The fans noticed, management knows it but West and Simon keep putting it into our heads that the band was doing so much better without Louis.

I honestly didn't know what to do. We had another break coming up. It was the break right before we start the last bit of the European leg of the tour. We would be ending it in Britain before taking another break and then having management send us back to America and so on.

I don't know if I could even make it much less the others. Louis was the one who brightened all of us up. The funny and bouncy type lad...

Now we feel none of that. I couldn't bring the order to the dulling chaos. Hell, I barely could manage myself anymore.

So I'd just keep drowning it all in a bottle, hoping Louis will be coming back one day.

*

Zayn's Pov

Liam was back to drinking again. I was smoking a pack a day. Harry was empty and Niall lost his appetite.

They were ruining us.

The amount of panic attacks increased...and when I had them, Liam was either too drunk to help or put relationship seemed to be on the edge that when he was there in felt like a tight string was holding us but about to snap at any moment. We've been fighting a lot more...usually it was when I tired to take the alcohol away from his drunk hands.