The Meeting

End of an Era

As I began writing the second letter, I didn't feel the need to make it so long, I didn't want to drag it out for Leah and have her reading into what I was saying. I had to tell her the things I wanted her to hear, let her know I forgave her and help her to begin the journey of healing that I was coming to the end of.

Hi Leah, thank you for the letter.

This has been the hardest letter I have ever had to pen, for more reasons that one. No matter what I write, someone gets hurt and I have never imagined myself to be in a situation like this before. I hope that you can understand the reason behind the decision I am about to make.

I want to start by telling you that I forgive you for every decision you have made and I understand the reasoning behind it. I can't believe how cruel people can be and I struggle to understand the logic behind the messages they were sending you. You have captained your country to success more times than most and if jealousy was a person, I believe it has come out through the words that those people have used towards you.

As much as it caused me pain at the time, a part of me is happy that you had Harriet to guide you and offer you the words of encouragement and support that I was unable to. I will be forever grateful to Harriet for keeping your heart happy throughout that time.

The memories that you have spoken about in your letter are memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I have never looked back at our relationship with regret. Loving you was the best decision I ever made and when I told you that a piece of your heart would always be mine and a piece of my heart would always be yours, I truly meant it.

At a time when my passion was coming to life, you were there supporting me whether it was at my shows or watching from afar and I am eternally grateful for the love that you gave me.

I know that you have fallen out of love with yourself right now and that's okay, I know you are strong enough to learn to do that again and until then, I will love you enough for the both of us.

However, I need you to understand that in your absence from my life, I had find happiness. I didn't do it right away, in fact I spent quite a lot of time healing and trying to recover from the scars that our love had left.

Grace has supported me throughout some of the hardest times in my life. She loved me when I wasn't even sure how to love myself. She has been selfless in her actions towards me, allowing me to compose my feelings before expecting anything from me.

I'm not going to lie to you, and I won't lie to her either. I can't tell you that I don't think of you, I can't tell you that at times I don't miss you so painfully that I cry myself to sleep. I won't tell you that life without you isn't hard. But I also won't tell you that I can give Grace up.

I'm not sure what the future holds for myself and Grace. I haven't been able to fully allow myself to be in love with her, not until I had closure from you. I do know that I want my future to be with her and I am going to try to make that happen.

I want to thank you Leah, I want to thank you for the good times, the life lessons and most importantly for making me believe in love again. Without you, I probably wouldn't even be making music anymore.

I hope you will be okay and I hope that you will understand my decision and the agony that has gone into making it. Most of all, I hope that you will always know that no matter how long it has been since we last spoke, how far apart we are in the world or where our lives take us, I will always be proud of you.

Goodbye Leah.

And just like that, I had two letters. Two letters with two very different meanings. With just two days to decide which one I would send.

My heart ached more than it ever had right now but I had a show to prepare for, so I slipped the letters into two separate envelopes and placed them into my bedside table.

Love is the weirdest feeling in the world.