The Meeting

Selflessness

The gig went well, it's amazing how naturally it comes when you get back onstage in front of a crowd. I avoided looking for Grace in the crowd, I didn't want to cloud my mind with anything other than ensuring I didn't mess up my return to the stage.

When the gig ended, I spoke to a few fans and quickly grabbed Grace to make an exit. I imagined our reunion tonight to be so different before I had received Leah's letter. I imagined her running into my arms but I knew that she knew that I had heard from Leah. She didn't even kiss me when I went to find her, just a gentle hug.

On the journey home, I asked her about training and she asked me how my Dad was. I felt guilty that Leah's letter wasn't the first thing I told her about but I wanted this to be a conversation we had in her house, rather than in a car.

As we entered the house, I could tell Grace was anxious. She was pacing back and forth a lot and tidying things that didn't need tidied. Eventually, she sat beside me on the sofa. She still didn't show any affection but I can't blame her, after how I felt that night with Leah on holiday I can see why she would preserve herself from the possibility of feeling that too.

"Leah sent me the letter, Grace. I wanted to tell you in person rather than over the phone." I said, with a hint of guilt now echoing in my voice.
"Okay. And?" She said, gently.
"And I would love to say that it has brought me closure but to be honest, it's just made me feel... I don't know. Confused?" I replied, wanting to be completely transparent.
"Confused about Leah?" She asked, still calm and gentle.
"I guess. And us. You were right when you said she was clearly struggling when she came over here. Turns out she's actually been struggling for quite some time. I guess knowing that there was a reason for her actions has made me confused about how I feel about them. Before I was so angry, I was hurt. Now, I feel like it was preventable and I can't get my head around it." Being honest with Grace was easy, she was just so gentle in everything she did.
"How do you feel about me now?" Grace asked, her vulnerability crushing my heart.
"Like you are the perfect person. The dream partner, the person that everyone thinks they'll never find. You are the kindest and most gentle person I have ever met and I want to love you. I want to love you so much Grace." I said, beginning to get upset.

Unsurprisingly, the sight of another person upset, even when she was upset herself, was too much for Grace. She moved down the sofa and took me into her arms. She kept telling me to calm down and reassuring me that she was there. The comfort I felt in her arms being the only thing stopping me from completely breaking down. I tried to speak again but Grace cut in over the top of me, startling me as she was never one to interrupt.

"Can I be honest Alex?" She asked, sighing.
"Of course, that's what I want here. Complete honesty." I said, reassuring her that whatever she was about to say would be something I was willing to listen to.
"Do you remember the first night we went on that date?" She asked.
"Of course I do, why?" I was confused as to where she was going with this.
"When I left you that night, I knew that you were special. I knew that I was going to fall for you. I knew that you had everything I was looking for in a person. You always say these nice things about other people but you never compliment yourself. You are also kind and caring and gentle. You are also the perfect partner, the person that people can only dream of meeting. Do you remember when we first met?" She asked again.
"At that charity event. You were holding one end of the cheque and I was holding the other. Course I remember." I said.
"You were with Leah then." She said as if I should know what this meant.
"Yes, I was. What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, trying to make sure I didn't sound rude.
"It has everything to do with it. It's hard to know by a person's voice, body language or words what they feel but it's not hard to tell by their eyes. The fact I met you during Leah and after Leah, meant I had seen your eyes when you were with and I can see your eyes when you're with me. I always knew you were only on loan to me, Alex. I prepared for this moment. But I was okay with it because for a time, I got to experience life with you. I got to be that person." She said, smiling at me to let me know she wasn't angry.
"You always thought I would go back to Leah?" I asked, a little surprised.
"It's not that I thought you would hurt me. I knew that when that day arrived, you would find it this difficult. You aren't that person, you aren't the person that hurts other people and is okay with it. Neither is Leah. That's what makes you two so strong, even when neither of you can see it." She said, still stroking my hair.
"What're you saying then?" I asked, completely confused as to how this conversation had ended up this way.
"I'm saying that I know you can't make this decision. I know you can't hurt me. I know that you would go against your heart that is telling you right now to choose Leah in order to protect me from the hurt that you had to face. I'm telling you that sometimes we have more than one person, as much as fairytales tell us we don't. We have a person for each part of our life. I was your person for this part but Leah is your person forever. I have had the best time with you Alex, the best time of my life and there is nothing I want more than to continue that. To love you for eternity but love is about selflessness. It's about wanting the best for that person and I know I have to let you go and love you from afar until I too meet my forever person. I can't stand in the way of what you and Leah have, Alex. I just can't let myself do that."

Grace removed her hand from my hair, standing up from the sofa and extending her hand to me. I held it as she pulled me to my feet and wrapped me into a hug. She pulled her head away from my shoulder, looked me in the eye and gave me the most gentle kiss that I had ever experienced.

"Go get your forever person, Alex. Thank you for making me believe in love again." She spoke gently but did not show any sign of upset. I didn't doubt that the moment I left she would break down into tears, like I had done as I left Leah in that villa on holiday. I kissed her hand that was still latched onto mine, putting my hand onto her face.

"Thank you for everything, Grace. I really don't think you will ever truly know just how amazing you are. Can you promise me something?" I asked her.
"Anything." She responded, looking directly into my eyes.
"Don't settle for anything but being loved." I stroked her face with my thumbs, gently loosening my grip.
"I promise."

And with that, Grace and I parted ways. I walked to the end of her road before ordering a taxi and heading home.

I knew I still needed to send Leah a letter but I needed to be sure I was ready to try again first. I needed to be sure I could trust Leah. Before I could do anything though, I needed to sleep. Today had been emotionally exhausting and I knew that I couldn't make any kind of decision with my brain right now.