The Meeting

Family First

It had been 2 months since I went back on tour and Leah and I had spoken every day. She would let me know every time she had to use a colour coded message from the jar, most of them were the ones for missing me. I had noticed that the last few days, Leah had been sending me pictures of the anxious ones. During a break in rehearsals, I text her but she hadn't responded. This wasn't unusual as she was useless with her phone. I knew if I didn't speak to her now though, I wouldn't get speaking to her before her match so I called her. Immediately, I noticed a severe drop in Leah's tone.

"Hi." Was all I got when she answered.
"Hi Le, I miss you." I said, trying not to show my concern.
"I miss you too, Alex. So much it hurts." She said, beginning to cry.
"Le, what's wrong?" I asked.
"They've listened to the comments about the last game, I'm on the bench." Leah's feeling of worthlessness was breaking my heart.

Leah had made a mistake in her previous game, making a misjudged pass which allowed the visitors to score. As always, social media had blown up, with people claiming she was undeserving of her place. I knew, as an outsider, that this was all part and parcel of being England's most popular WSL player and the captain of her country, but Leah was stuck inside her own head. These comments tore her down and made her feel completely inadequate.

We had discussed the comments the previous night, Leah was worried that the calls to bench her would be listened to but I had assured her that they wouldn't. I felt angry and useless, she needed me and I wasn't there because of the tour.

"Le, it's going to be okay. They probably just want the hype to die down before you have to play again. They have to protect you against stuff like this." I reassured her.
"I guess." Was all she could mutter in between her sobs.

In times like this, I really hated fame and social media. Leah was already beating herself up enough for the performance, she didn't need those on the internet to do it for her. I struggled a lot to see how people could watch her captain her country and be so proud of her for it but then tear her apart for making one mistake.

"It's going to be okay, I promise. I love you and I'm so proud of you. Hold your head up high tonight." I told her, hoping that my words would be enough.
"I love you, I appreciate you so much." She replied before ending the call.

My heart was breaking at the thought of her lying on our bed, in our house crying without me being there to wrap her into my arms. I headed back on stage to finish the second half of rehearsals but after two songs, I signalled to the band to stop and walked off stage. Gavin and Lydia, who were enjoying a well earned break, ran after me.

"Alex! What's happened? Is it your throat?" Gavin said, concerned that we would have to postpone another tour.
"No, it's Leah. She's in a bad way at home." I began to get distressed at the idea of this.
"And you want to go to her?" Lydia said, placing her hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah. I know you'll be angry at me but I won't even be able to focus tonight. Even if I go on stage, I won't want to be there and I would rather they hate me for rescheduling than pay to see a shit show. I need to be with Leah. I'm sorry." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"Look Alex, I might be your manager but I'm your friend first. If you need to be with Leah then we can just put a short statement out and figure another date out." I hadn't expected this response from Gavin which made me do nothing but hug him.
"I'll organise the flight, you get a statement together and Alex you go get your things." Lydia said, both showing me that Leah and I meant more to them than any reputation they had in the industry.

Lydia sorted me a flight, it would arrive at 8:30pm in London which gave me the perfect opportunity to head straight to Leah's game for finishing. I knew Amanda would be there so I decided to loop her in on my plans, knowing that when Leah found out she would hit the roof. I asked Gavin to hold off on the announcement until later that day so Leah wouldn't see I had cancelled tonight's show until later. I knew it was unfair on the fans so I had given him the go ahead to see what he could do to still put on some kind of show for them and a few other things to throw in there to make up for my decision. As selfish as it sounds, my family would always come before my fans. Not that I don't love my fans, of course I do, but I'll always love Leah more.

I boarded the plane and connected to the Wi-Fi, meaning that if Leah text me she wouldn't know any different. I text Amanda to let her know I was on my way.

A - Just on the plane now, will land in Heathrow at 8pm.

Am - Brilliant. She knows nothing at all. She really needed this Alex, thank you.

A - I know. There was never any question.

Amanda was clearly concerned about Leah too, I knew I had made the right choice. As my flight came to an end, Lydia text to say the statement was out. She had written it exactly as I asked, they had also left it until Leah would no longer be accessing her phone so I knew she wouldn't find out that I had cancelled. Amanda had the girls under strict instructions to keep Leah away from press after the game but they had told her that Leah planned to go straight home, already letting her manager know that she was feeling poorly.

AlexRWilliamson:

Hey guys, unfortunately due to personal issues I will be unable to play tonight's scheduled show in Switzerland. We have managed to arrange a very special guest to perform in my place and whether you attend or not, your ticket will be refunded.
When we manage to reschedule, all current ticket holders will be given free entry to the future date and a free vinyl record edition of my new album as an apology.
I really hope you still enjoy the show tonight.

Love always,
ARW x 

Holly collected me from the airport, as Amanda was at the game I needed a lift and of course Holly was happy to make the journey as long as she knew Leah was going to be okay. We travelled to the stadium, Holly dropping me off and asking me to update her on how Leah was later. I was greeted by a staff member that had been made aware of everything by Beth, letting me into the changing rooms to wait on Leah.

Am - Games over, she waved to us but looks glum and headed straight for the tunnel. She got no minutes. She should be with you soon x

A - I will keep you updated I promise x

I heard the changing room door fly open, Leah's puffy eyes appearing through it. As soon as she noticed me, she ran into my arms kneeling between my legs and wrapping her arms around my back. I kissed the top of her head as she cried into my stomach, clinging to me as if her life depended on it.

"I'm here, I'm here now." I repeated until I felt her breathing slow.
"When did you get here?" Leah said, looking up at me, her tear filled eyes causing me serious pain.
"Not long. Get yourself changed and let's go home. We can talk there." I said, kissing her cheek.

Leah rushed to get her stuff together, barely even managing to get changed properly. I lifted her training bag and extended my hand to hers to guide her out of the stadium, placing her into the passenger seat and pecking her lips before I closed the door and got in to drive us home.

Leah played with my fingers most of the way home, gently smiling to herself as she felt our skin touch again. She had significantly calmed now, her breathing controlled and just the odd sniffle coming from her as the last of her tears left her eyes.

When we arrived home, I greeted Milo and grabbed Leah and I some dilute before joining her on the sofa. She immediately slid up my side, placing her head on my shoulder and her arms around my waist.

"Alex, your gig." She said, remembering that I wouldn't have had time to play it if I was home by now.
"Irrelevant. You weren't okay so I came home. I will always come home, Le." I replied softly, stroking her hair as I spoke.
"I'm sorry. I just can't believe I made such a fuck up. I can't believe they benched me." She said, rightfully angry at the reaction to her mistake.
"Someone very wise once told me 'when you love the thing you do, you always think it could've gone better'." I said, referencing Leah's words to me the first time we met.

Leah simply smiled at me before taking my face into her hands and kissing me gently.

"I still can't believe you're mine. I think you can't make me feel anymore loved and suddenly you show me that how I felt yesterday was minor compared to today." Leah spoke, tracing circles on my neck with her fingertips.
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be, Le." I replied, letting her know the decision wasn't something I regretted.

Leah and I chatted for a while, letting her vent about the comments and the decisions that had been made after. She fell asleep with her head on my stomach, not wanting to wake her I made myself as comfortable as I could and drifted off to sleep. Despite the reason for my return being negative, feeling Leah in my arms again was something I never wanted to end.