The Meeting

Unconditional Support

The days that followed my stage breakdown were hard. Lydia worked tirelessly in the background, trying to find a way that we could approach the situation without people thinking it was a cop out. Reading Festival were refusing to pay me for the set because I had left stage early and Twitter was blowing up with claims that I was addicted to alcohol and other substances, claims that Leah and I had split and claims that I was in the middle of a management crisis with Gavin.

Leah was incredible, as expected. She even offered to put her own statement out to dismiss the rumours, despite her having been hurt by the situation too. She constantly touched me in some way, whether it was her hand on my thigh as we watched tv or running her fingers across my shoulders as she walked by me in the kitchen. Leah constantly let me know that she was there, she wasn't going anywhere and she meant it when she asked me to stay forever.

After just under a week, Lydia called round to talk through what we could do moving forward. She explained that we couldn't just bury this one, the video had been played millions of times on YouTube, tabloid newspapers were digging up old photos of myself and Leah and using them as clickbait.

"The only way forward is what I'm suggesting." Lydia told Leah and I.
"I don't know, Lyds. Seems like a lot for Alex to take on right now." Leah said apprehensively.
"Yeah, she's right. I'm not sure I'm up to that right now." I said, backing Leah up.
"It would be prerecorded. I've ensured that. Just an opportunity for you to put on record exactly what happened and almost be an advocate for mental health. Completely your choice, Al. You know I'd never let you do something that I thought was going to harm you." Lydia smiled.
"Okay. Can I say I'll think about it for now?" I asked, taking Leah's hand under the table and feeling her fingers tighten their grip around mine for support.
"Of course. Let me know when you know." Lydia said, hugging Leah and I and saying goodbye to Aoife before she left.

Leah and I carried on with our day, making things normal for Aoife was our main priority. Once she was in bed, we had an opportunity to talk properly.

"You know, if you want to do what Lydia suggested earlier Al, I'll support you wholeheartedly." Leah said as she sat down beside me on the sofa.
"I know. Thank you. It's just you know how those things can be twisted. I suppose if it's literally me on a screen though they can't really twist it can they?" I said, my mind jumping from place to place.
"I guess not, they would only be able to report on the words that leave your mouth." Leah said, pulling me into her chest as she noticed my mind was racing.
"I really have made a complete mess of things, Le." I sighed.
"With all the right intentions, Al. Yes, it hurt and yes it was the wrong decision to not tell me but I know why you did it." She reassured me.
"I was just so happy to have a second chance with you, I didn't think of a time when the other letter would need to be discussed. It just seemed like a bad memory." I said into Leah's chest.
"I know. I know that. I love you." Leah said as she lifted my chin to kiss me.
"I love you too. I think I'll do it, the world needs to know that we have mental health to look after too." I said.
"I knew you would. I'm proud of you." Leah said, kissing me again.

After just two days, I found myself sat in front of a camera with a journalist. I spoke openly and honestly about my experiences, some more difficult to talk about than others but all made easier by the presence of Leah's teddy in my hand, out of sight of the camera.

The following day, Amanda took Aoife to the park so Leah and I could travel to the studio. Upon arrival, we were swarmed by paparazzi. Leah took my hand, gripping it tighter than she ever had before and leading me inside, away from the chaos.

"It's live. The Daily Mail have already obtained a transcript and reported it. It's good, Alex. It's really good." Gavin reassured me.
"Let me see." I said, my hands trembling with nerves.