The Meeting

Without My Mum

It has now been almost a year since Leah and I stood under the moonlight on the beach that night but the memory in my head was still as vivid as it was that night. Leah's career was only going from strength to strength, she had been given another contract extension with Arsenal and was continuing to captain her country to success in the international game.

My Dad had met someone new, he was reluctant to allow himself to fall for someone again in fear of being perceived to no longer love my mum, but Janice had been understanding that my mum would always be the love of my Dad's life. I liked that he had someone. I always thought that if he ever did meet anyone, I might be a little bit angry or upset that he could forget about my mum but when it happened, I felt nothing but happiness. Mum wouldn't have wanted him to be alone for the rest of his life, I knew that and I knew that I didn't want that for him either.

For me, the last year had been peaceful. I had spent a lot of time writing and releasing new music but I had decided not to tour again until after the wedding. We played Glastonbury and Isle of Wight but apart from that, the only appearances I had really made were talk show and radio appearances to discuss my new music. I didn't really have a reason for not wanting to tour right now, nothing had happened and I still loved my career but I thought it was best to wait until after the wedding to allow me to give fans a full album on a tour rather than charge them to listen to the same songs I had sang before.

Our wedding was happening tomorrow, we had picked a venue just outside of the village we lived in. As with everything we did, we didn't want anything too extravagant. We just wanted to get married in front of the people we loved most in life.

Leah had been nervous, more so recently. If I could change anything in the world, it would be Leah's confidence. If she knew how proud she made me every day, if she could see herself through my eyes, I wonder if she would feel more able to do things without thinking she might not do them right. Tonight would be the first night Leah and I had spent apart since her last England camp but tomorrow would be worth missing her tonight.

I didn't think I would find this so hard without my mum but it had been tough. I suppose it's everyone's dream to have their parents at their wedding. Watching Amanda go dress shopping with Leah, pick a hair and make up artist with Leah and pick Leah up tonight to stay in her house with her was difficult. I wasn't jealous or envious or anything along those lines. I love Leah, I was glad she didn't have to feel how I did but part of me wished that someone would have the courage to mention my mum. Everyone kept avoiding the conversation, even my Dad.

I waved Leah off as her Mum pulled out of the driveway, heading inside to make sure I had everything I needed for tomorrow. If I had a song for every time I had rewritten and reread my vows, I could tour from now until eternity. I heard Ellie and Lydia burst through the door, bags in hand and Abba - I do, I do, I do, I do, I do playing from their phone. These two were so ridiculous and I absolutely loved them for it.

We spent the night putting on face masks, I read my vows to them several times and they practised walking down the aisle more times than I can recall. After a lot of laughing and of course, tears from Ellie, they said they had a surprise from Leah for me for tomorrow morning but they had convinced her to let me see it tonight so I didn't ruin my make up tomorrow. I expected it to be a teddy, a letter or a photo of us both. The standard things that people do the night before a wedding but this was Leah. This was my Leah, the most thoughtful person to ever walk on the planet.

"Okay so, she said if you don't like it you don't have to use it. She also said if it's too much you can throw it away. She said she knows you'll have picked your own so if you'd rather use yours, that's fine. She also said to tell you that if it isn't her place she is sorry." Lydia spoke, reciting the words Leah had clearly made her remember. This was typical Leah, panicking that she's made a mistake.
"Can you just show me what it is?" I laughed to them.

They took me into the spare room, the one they were both sleeping in tonight. On the bed I could see a bouquet. I could recognise this anywhere, I pulled out my phone frantically searching through my pictures until I found what I was looking for. Ellie and Lydia smiled at me, already knowing before I even showed them the picture that Leah had gone to the effort of getting the bouquet that my mum had carried on the day of her wedding to my Dad recreated. She hadn't forgotten or been avoiding the fact my mum wasn't here, behind the scenes she had been making sure that she was.

By now, all three of us were blubbering messes. The girls had pulled me into a hug as I repeatedly told them how amazing Leah was and how much I appreciated her, like they didn't already know. Once I had managed to stop the tears falling and compose myself, I text Leah who I knew would be patiently waiting to hear whether I had liked the surprise or not.

A - Leah, I don't even know what to say. How did you even think of that? I really can't believe how lucky I am to have someone like you.

L - I wanted to make sure she was there. Just telling you that I knew it would be hard for you didn't seem like enough. You will always have me Alex, always.

A - I love you. I'm so nervous for tomorrow.

L - I love you. Me too but I'm reading your letter and it's getting me through.

A - THAT letter? You kept it?

L - The letter that gave me another chance to make you my forever? You really think I could ever have thrown that away?

A - It was the best letter I have ever sent.

L - And the best I have ever received. Goodnight Al.

A - Goodnight Le.

Despite the nerves, I fell asleep quite easily that night with Leah's teddy cuddled into my chest as it always was when she wasn't in bed with me. I knew that tomorrow I would be Alex Ryan-Williamson and nothing felt better than that.