The Meeting

Emptiness

Life moves fast. Before we knew it, our vow renewals were a distant memory and a return to normal life had hit us like a sack of bricks. Leah's business was now in the best place it had been in since the beginning, her latest launch had sold out within sixteen minutes of going live, something she desperately needed to rebuild her confidence after a shambolic transport holdup had caused multiple negative reviews. Of course, none of that was the fault of Leah, but it was her business and therefore, she felt responsible.

Leah was due home at 5pm, but recently her arrivals ranged from 5pm-9pm. I didn't mind though, once she retired from football I continued to tour, leaving her for months on end without me; I owed this to her. I would be lying though if I said it wasn't difficult, not from the perspective of the children but trying to find things to do with my time, being used to having Leah there. She would often come home to find me cleaning something that didn't need cleaned, or restringing a guitar for no reason at all. Some nights, it would get too much for me and I wouldn't mean to, but I wouldn't be able to stop my body from resenting her. This was one of those nights.

"Will Mummy be home to read us a story?" Theo asked as he loaded his plate into the dishwasher.
"I'll ask her, mate. Hopefully." I smiled.

Alex
Kids are wanting to know if you'll be home for a story?

Leah
Yes, I told them I would last night. All okay?

Alex
Yeah, see you soon x

"Mummy will be home for a story."

I was met with the loud sound of cheers, their smiles contagious as they danced around the house. Leah didn't arrive home, though. I tried to distract them by playing games, making hot chocolate, and even having a dance off, but their faces told a story I had never wanted them to. This was something Leah and I had spoken about extensively, not letting our children ever have to wonder why we didn't come home, why we weren't there; we had always said that they would never go to bed thinking they were unimportant, that night they felt unimportant and I could do nothing to make it better.

By the time Leah arrived home, the kids were already asleep. She looked stressed, wittering on about some material issue that meant a batch was unusable and trading laws in another country preventing the shipment, I couldn't have cared less in that moment. I let her continue, still caring enough about her to know she needed to rant, but caring enough about the kids to know that Leah had wronged them.

"Yeah the kids are fine, don't worry, Leah." I said, a sarky tone to my voice.
"I was just about to ask, I'll be home for them going to bed tomorrow night." Leah sighed.
"Will you though? Or will it be another night when something goes wrong? Another night that they'll wait for you, only to go to bed with tears in their eyes because they were less important than your business again?"
"That's not fair, Alex."
"What's not fair is them going to bed without you there to tuck them in -"
"Oh yeah because you've always been there. You weren't half way around the world while I scrubbed football boots, plaited hair, cleaned up sick, did all the things your career was too important for you to do!" Leah shouted over the top of me.
"Wow."
"Alex, I didn't -"
"No, Leah. You did."

Fighting with Leah wasn't what I was trying to achieve, but both of us were clearly emotional at that point. I decided to take myself to bed and leave Leah to clear her head before we spoke again, but I must've fallen asleep. I was woken by the bed moving with Leah's body climbing into it, my eyes opened slightly as I looked up at her, her eyes were heavy, redness giving away that she had been upset. I opened my arms out to her, her body climbing into them and head resting on my chest.

"Aren't you going to say anything, Alex?"
"Not tonight, but I will always hold you when you're upset, Le."

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