The Meeting

I'm Done

Things had been hard, like really hard.

Flashback:

"Nah, sure that wouldn't be important to you. Would it? You wouldn't care." Leah hissed.
"I wouldn't care? All you care about is the other people. The ones on the outside of this. You overlook the fact that we are struggling. You just bury your head in the sand about our problems, but you're dedicated to helping every other fucking person."
"Bloody hell, Alex. Fucking hell."
"I don't want to keep arguing with you, Leah, but I'm getting so sick of this. You can't keep trying to solve all of the worlds problems. We are two people, sometimes we have to accept that we can't do it."
"So we just give up? Give up because we can afford to pay for Theo to go to private things? Give up on the families that can't?"
"That's not what I'm saying, I'm just saying -"
"That is what you're saying. Just go, Alex. I can't even look at you."

I looked at her for a few seconds before thumping towards the door and slamming it behind me. As I reached the middle of the stairs, I heard Leah thumping across the floor behind me, she pulled the door open and shouted through a whisper up at me.

"You'll wake the kids if you don't quit it with the slamming and thundering about. What is actually wrong with you?"
"You. Leah. You are what is wrong with me." I grunted, not even turning my eyes to look at her.

After an hour, I felt Leah getting into bed, keeping my back to her. She lay silently for a few seconds before beginning to make her way towards me, obviously thinking I was sleeping.

"Don't come near me, I mean it. Do not think you can make this okay with a cuddle." I whispered.
"Please, Al? We never end the day without a cuddle." She said softly.
"We never end the day with you calling me selfish, or telling me you can't look at me, but apparently we do today. Now leave me alone."

She didn't speak, just rolled onto her back and lay silently for a few minutes before sitting up and getting out of bed. As she made her way towards the door, I realised that she was probably planning to sleep on the sofa.

"I didn't mean actually leave me alone." I piped up.
"I don't want to bother you." She continued to open the door.
"I thought you said we never ended the day without a cuddle?"
"I thought you said you didn't want one?" Her voice quivered.
"You didn't try hard enough, now come back to bed. It's freezing downstairs."

— — — —

Leah and I had spent the last two months arguing before our final argument erupted. Between the pressures of the spotlight, my reps telling me that I'd been asked to do another album, Leah being asked to go to the World Cup to present, Aoife's hormones starting to show, Amanda having to go on bed rest for a minor illness for a few weeks, and to top it off, we had received word that our planned campaign for better equipped schools had been rejected during government debates. Leah and I had no time to ourselves, running on empty and living like passing ships. The conversations we did have were tense, often turning into arguments over the slightest things. That day was no different, until it became different.

"Why are you still here?" Leah asked, eyes wide.
"What? Why wouldn't I be? I have that meeting with Gavin in fifteen minutes."
"Alex, the fucking kids?!"
"It's Wednesday, Leah. You've always collected them on Wednesdays?"
"No. I told you last week that I needed this from you today. Fuck sake. Sure I'll just get them." She hissed.
"No, I'm going. It's fine."
"I'll go." She protested.
"I've said I'm going, Leah. This is you all over - give off that I forget something you apparently told me and then refuse to let me fix it. Any excuse - literally any excuse - to argue with me." I ranted as I headed for the door.
"Why're you here then? Why are you still here? If you're so unhappy with me, why haven't you left?" She shouted after me.
"Honestly, Leah - I really don't know anymore."