The Meeting

Bad Press

Leah and I didn't go on our honeymoon right away, our wedding had fell three weeks before her season began so we wanted to wait until her next break between seasons to ensure she could have a good time without having to worry about preseason. She, as usual, had worried that I would be annoyed if she didn't want to honeymoon right away so when I suggested waiting she was grateful that I had thought about the thing she was too afraid to say.

Married life with Leah was perfect. We still did the same things but we did them knowing we were bound forever by those vows we had made to each other. Amanda took great pleasure in telling the world that I was her daughter in law, just as my dad took great pleasure in telling everyone Leah was his.

Leah started back to her weekly matches and despite a slow start to the season, by the month mark they were improving after securing some new signings. I had began to record my new album and released a new tour schedule. This would see me on the road for seven months, only taking a break for my Christmas, wedding anniversary and Leah's birthday.

Things were going really well until a few weeks before I was due to leave for my tour. Leah had been distant and although it was strange, it wasn't the type of distance that made me worried that she wasn't happy with me. It was something else, something I had only seen in Leah once before. She was obsessing over tweets that said we were having marriage troubles, typical media propaganda, spending hours scrolling through them and asking me why the media were saying these things. Of course, I had no answer for this simply brushing it off as clickbait.

The more it annoyed Leah, the more frustrated I had become with it. I too found myself opening Twitter one day as I waited for Leah to return from training. The comments underneath were mostly supportive, but similar to Leah, it was the nasty ones that stood out.

Alex and Leah Williamson split due to busy schedules? Couple said to be on the rocks just months after dream wedding.

Alex Ryan-Williamson said to be frustrated with London life, telling close pals that she wants to return to Belfast but feels stuck due to wife's need to be in London.

Alex Ryan-Williamson said to have scheduled tour 'earlier than expected' due to needing space from wife just months after tying the knot.

Leah Williamson poor performances at Arsenal said to be caused by her unhappiness in marriage to Alex Ryan.

Leah and Alex were never going to last!

If only Alex had married Grace Murphy...

Does Leah just not know how to satisfy Alex? Seems to be that she can't keep her for very long...

Leah forcing Alex into marriage and it backfiring is the best thing ever

Hopefully Alex meets someone new one tour hahahaa

Alex was never good enough for Leah anyway, she's average at best

Had thought myself that Leah's performances dipping seemed to coincide with her marriage. Maybe she's realising that Alex really isn't all that??

'Close pals' I laughed to myself. Any of my close pals know that I am more than happy with Leah, I am living through the best part of my life being married to her. Leah's performances certainly weren't dipping either, she had even scored from a corner kick last weekend. Either way, I knew I needed to talk to Leah about this. Despite things being different now, I was conscious that the last time these things happened Leah had ended up in a really bad place.

That night when she arrived home I was already in bed. I think I had dozed off because when I felt Leah getting into bed I realised that I hadn't even heard her open the bedroom door. As she did every night she was home late, Leah gently lifted the covers in an effort to not waken me. Part of me wanted to pretend I was still asleep so I could feel her cuddle into my back and tell me she loves me in a whisper, as she does the other nights that I pretend to still be asleep. I can never keep pretending though, I always have to say it back. Always.

"I'm awake, no need to be quiet." I said, turning to face her as she smiled down at me.
"Sorry." She said, still whispering which caused me to giggle slightly.
"You're home late, are you cheating on me?" I asked her playfully as I pulled her down beside me.
"Yes, with Beth. I didn't know how to tell you." She said, laughing at her own joke.

I lightly slapped her arm, causing her to laugh even more as she leaned over to kiss me. I knew I needed to bring up this conversation but I didn't want Leah to be upset. Taking her into my arms, I stroked her hair as I spoke.

"Le, I need to talk to you about something." I said.
"Oh god, if this is another rant from you about my messiness I swear I'm trying so hard." She said, I smiled at this. I smiled at the fact that me saying those words didn't scare Leah, she knew that whatever it was, we would work through it together.
"Well no, but that is something else. Anyway, I know you've been reading the comments and stuff about us. I think it's getting you down a little. Can we talk about it?" I said, trying to be as gentle as possible.
"I've just been keeping an eye on it. Nothing major." She said, quite sternly.
"You say that but I know it's been getting to you. We need to talk about these things, Le. The last thing I want is for -" I was instantly cut off by Leah.
"For what? For my football to be impacted? So you think it has been as well? I can't do this tonight." Leah said, releasing herself from the grasp of my arms and getting out of bed.

I was too shocked at Leah's reaction to even tell her that she was wrong. I wasn't going to say anything about her football. I watched as Leah headed out the bedroom door, unsure as to what had just happened.

I heard Leah heading downstairs, expecting to hear the living room door open any second but instead the bedroom door flung back open again. I braced myself for Leah to shout at me, knowing it was just defensiveness coming out in her, but instead she got back into bed, buried her head into my chest and grabbed hold of my hand.

"I'm sorry. I went to walk off and I missed you too much. I'm sorry, Alex." She said, sounding worried that I would be upset.
"You came back, that's all that matters." I said, finding her leaving and coming back within 30 seconds incredibly cute.
"You're right, I have been letting it get to me. It has been having a bigger impact on me than I would like to admit." She spoke into my chest.
"Why is it bothering you so much? You know what the press are like?" I said, trying to not sound patronising.
"If I tell you, you promise we won't fight?" She said, looking up at me with those huge eyes.
"I promise. What is it, Le?" I asked.
"I worry that you will get sick of it." She said, getting a little bit teary.
"Sick of what?" I asked, moving my hand to rest the palm of my hand against her cheek.
"You know. Sick of having to constantly reassure me. Sick of me being so anxious all the time for no reason. Sick of my inability to let go of what they say about us. We've just got married and here I am crying in bed about some stupid fucking article and you're having to comfort me again. I really don't know why you even love me sometimes, I'm just -" I had to interrupt her.
"Stop. Just stop for a second, Le." I whispered.

Knowing Leah's mind had gone into overdrive, I had to stop her. I wanted to know these things, of course I did but I couldn't have her working herself up like that. I sat up in bed so my back was against the headboard and pulled Leah into my chest. She put her ear to my heartbeat and we took breaths together until she had settled slightly. We didn't exchange any words, we didn't need to.

As Leah worked to follow my breathing, I rubbed circles on her back and placed soft kisses on her head. I felt her body relax into mine, her shoulders moving much more slowly than before.

"To tell you why I'm like this, Alex, would be impossible. I just love you more than you will ever possibly know and I panic all of the time because even though you married me, I'm still so worried that I will mess up." Leah was much more composed now, meaning we could talk without her brain playing tricks on her but she had training again in the morning and I didn't want her being exhausted.
"Le, I'm never going anywhere. I would spend the rest of my life scrolling Twitter if that's what you wanted to do. Anything to make sure we are together." I needed to say so much more but now wasn't the time.
"I love you, Alex." Leah lifted her lips towards mine to kiss me.
"I love you, Le." I spoke with my lips against hers before returning the kiss.

Tonight was about comforting Leah but tomorrow was about creating a plan to manage her anxiety. Tomorrow, I would have my first challenge as a wife. The type of challenge I had vowed not to shy away from.