Tangent | Soukoku; AU [✔]

56 ➳ iron heart // h.x

did i had enough? was i already done? has my patience been that short, or was it just pushed too much?

i've never really been the type of person who opens up their heart and soul to anyone, and it has always been that way even before my parents had exiled me from home. to me, expressing what i felt was a waste of time, as was the case ever since childhood. i was not allowed to cry for getting hurt, nor to fight back to something i don't agree on.

this has been my way of life, and it had worked for the past decade. it taught me how to be more patient with people, which kept my head cool and my heart as hard as iron. however, it is also worth noting that ice eventually melts, and iron gets dented and damaged the more it's beaten.

while the calm and collected persona kept me sane from the toxic world of art and league, perhaps it didn't immediately cross my mind that joining the pro-gaming scene will force me to interact with other players in real life, not just behind the screen.

"you mean to say that you're tired, or chuuya's tilted?" coach mori tried to clarify, to which i gave him a shrug in response.

"it's probably both." akutagawa added to the conversation. not gonna lie, that was the correct answer, though i just don't want to admit my defeat just yet.

the short, orange-haired man looked at me with his blue eyes, full of disbelief and rage written all over. dazai warned me about this, but i remain unfazed. to be honest, landlord fitzgerald's golden orbs are probably the only eyes that scare me to death, even if he's just talking normally or partying with the others. heck, even hawthorne's godly eyes pierce better than anyone else's.

i took a deep breath before speaking once more. "all i'm saying is that i can manage, coach. no need for the swap."

"yeah, because nakahara chuuya has anger issues," chuuya tried to mimic the way i speak while trying to anticipate what i've been thinking in my head. "you're way better than this, ren. why are you gaslighting me now?!"

"take it however you'd like, i just want this team to win." was all my brain could muster. something i learned from my long experience online is that people that want the topic to go somewhere heated, tend to shut up when you either don't mind them or keep your response shorter. luckily, it worked this time around too.

coach mori sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose; i can tell that even he was getting tired of the shenanigans between his bot laners - first dazai and chuuya, and now me and chuuya. i know, coach, it's like an incurable disease to have your bot laners always in a chaotic mess.

as for me, like i've mentioned many times in the past few instances already, i have to keep my iron heart up... at least just until the tournament is over.

i have to prove to my past and present self, and to everyone, that hayakawa xyren will not falter at the face of danger -- much like i take risks head on in the game.