Tangent | Soukoku; AU [✔]

58 ➳ past and present // n.c

back to present

from the look on coach mori's face, it's pretty obvious that at this point he did not know what to do or how to even fathom what was happening. neither can i, coach; neither can i.

it feels like in the snap of a finger, this woman that we've embraced in the team suddenly changed demeanors overnight. hayakawa xyren, the walking corpse, whose entire personality revolved giving out independent vibes and single-mindedly has her sights only on the goal, all of a sudden shifts her persona as a whole.

i've been admiring her since the beginning, and i've been trying to uphold myself to be in par with her, but did i really fuck up so much for her to change this way? i have my suspicions that dazai could be pulling the strings somehow, but would someone like xyren really would let herself be deceived by someone so easily?

i don't think so. maybe i really just do deserve this side of her, as per her words some days ago.

coach mori let out a sigh before proceeding back to the meeting proper. the tall, slender woman didn't speak any longer after that and it seemed like she's more relieved.

now that i think about it, maybe support mains all have this weird habit of getting themselves out there, have an outburst like a balloon getting too much pressure, and then keep quiet for a certain amount of time until they're ready to be out there again. it's like an endless cycle for them, though it makes sense because much like junglers in the game, supports have to take care of everyone in the team.

i remember that one time when dazai, after the third tournament that we joined, refused to talk to any of us in the main roster and instead we found out had been lounging with the port mafia's social media manager, sakaguchi, and the team psychologist, oda. two peculiar members of the organization, but i guess dazai isn't any different from 'peculiar'.

mother flipper, why am i thinking of the past again? is the present time really no different from what it was before? 

i want to convince myself that my mind is conditioning me this way solely for the reason that the suicide-loving man is acquainted with the lifeless woman. it's like the past and the present clashing together in an uncanny twist of fate, meeting me in between like trains passing by each other.

trains - they come and go. they carry you to a certain destination until eventually you have to get off to your station, and then ride a new one to the next agenda. much like dazai who stayed in the team and got us at least recognition as an actual esports organization before leaving; now xyren who got us as far as getting our names shining in the limelight towards finals.

what are even these thoughts, man? these are supposed to be things i think about with a glass of fine wine with a charcuterie board on the side, and yet here i am in the middle of a meeting, sober as any man could be, thinking all about what's done and what's now.

and even before realizing it, today's meeting had adjourned, with the clunking of the metal chairs snapping me back to reality. i just sighed in defeat with nothing else more to say.