Tangent | Soukoku; AU [✔]

71 ➳ purgatory // h.x

i don't know why, but chuuya buying that one particular painting both warmed my heart and makes me laugh at the same time. i wasn't planning on selling it either, but i displayed it in the shop nonetheless in case anyone was interested. lo and behold, my hat-loving teammate of the mafia ended up getting it off the shop, which was ironic.

i began to pack the canvas in a perfectly fit box and taped all sides secure. i also prepared some plastic rope in case he wants to hold it like a sling bag. chuuya sat on the folding chair that i prepared earlier as he watched me do the packing on my table. he continues to engage in conversations and i'd just either nod or say something short in response. however, it was written all over his face that he wasn't having it easy.

upon finishing packing the canvas, i handed the huge box to him and bowed to say my thanks. chuuya carried the packed painting like a huge book, but before preparing to leave the shop, an unfamiliar set of words come out of his mouth. "hey, xyren, i'd like to ask you something else too if you don't mind?"

i have a feeling that he's been dying to say that for the entirety of his visit here, that or he's been struggling to get it out. honestly, apart from dazai, only him would casually just walk in the art shop for no particular reason. we were on break, after all, and i just wanted some time for my other hobbies apart from league.

"yeah, i'm listening."

chuuya, still holding the huge box under his right arm, took a quick glance in my general direction but not enough to make eye contact. he paused for a while, taking a deep breath before stuttering the words out to me.

"w-what would you do if someone in the team likes you?"

"you're referring to yourself, right?" was my immediate rebuttal to his question, which earned me a shocked chuuya. it was as if he's surprised to be read like an open book.

but of course, chuuya being chuuya, he goes in denial and is even more flustered than before. he tried formulating something to reply to me, only to sigh in defeat and shyly answered the most modest "yes" i've heard from him.

both of us went silent for a while. i do know for a fact that chuuya has been awkward around me lately, and that the entire league team was hinting something about him, but i did not expect that a confession from him was about to be in order.

i thought of it for a while, but no coherent thoughts formed in my brain. this was the last thing that i had in mind -- heck, scrap that, it wasn't even in my mind at all! i know zero shit about love and have never seen myself with a partner for the rest of my life.

"sorry, nakahara, but i'm not really sure," were my choice of words. i didn't know how to word it any better than that, resulting in an immediate sad reaction from the short man. "i appreciate it though. it makes me feel less of a hermit."

"you and dazai," chuuya quickly shifted his sadness to a strong pang of anger. "you aren't dating already behind the team's back, are you?"

i shook my head no. "we're just acquainted. besides, if it makes you feel better, dazai and i haven't spoken since the semis."

"good, good..." the man whispered to himself, but i could still hear it within the silence of the shop. "then i guess i could take this as your rejection. please pretend that this conversation never happened, xyren."

"n-no no, i'm not rejecting you at all, nakahara! i'm just really not sure of my life."

"what do you mean?"

"i..." now it was my turn to take a deep breath. i've only ever talked about this with mr. hawthorne and some other people from the apartment, so i'm not sure how chuuya will take it. finally, i've gathered enough strength to say it with all honesty.

"i don't see my life going very far, and i made a vow to myself to just live through things i'm actually certain about. that's all."

chuuya didn't speak for a while after that. he was looking down at the checkered tiles of the shop, still holding the painting. i sat back down feeling some sort of fatigue from that interaction. i took a sip from the water bottle on my desk as i wait for his response from what i said.

"man, you're really going to categorize me in purgatory aren't you?" chuuya chuckled in a mix of disappointment and uncertainty. "but yeah, you're right, xyren. i know we've only known each other for a month or so, and yet you've piqued my interest despite what we've been through."

there was some sort of guilt forming in my chest upon hearing those words from chuuya, though i'm still not sure what to make of what what happening. i stood up from my chair after recovering from the fatigue i was feeling earlier and walked in front of the short man. i wanted to give him some sort of hug, but his arms were still glued in carrying the boxed painting, so i just gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"i appreciate your sentiments, nakahara," i smiled. "it didn't occur to me that someone would even feel something for me, you know."

"if you happen to be sure with your life soon, can i try this again with you?" chuuya looked up, hope written all over his cyan blue eyes.

i gave out a short laugh. "i mean, if you still feel the same way, then be my guest."

"that's all i need to know. thanks again for the painting, xy."

and that's where that conversation finally came to a close, for now, perhaps. chuuya strode out of the shop and went on his way, leaving me alone here once more.

i can still feel that fatigue for some reason, and it's even stronger than earlier. i thought it was just some pang of guilt i was feeling, but now i'm concerned. i walked back to my chair to sit back down, now feeling a tight grip on my chest and it was as if i need more air than usual.

unsure of what was happening, the first thing i thought of was calling mr. hawthorne. luckily he picked up immediately. "yes, xyren?"

"mr. hawthorne, i..." my breathing was practically becoming more and more staggered. "i feel tired and like, everything feels so tight."

"where are you right now?" mr. hawthorne's tone over the call changed immediately.

"i'm at the shop now. what should i do?"

"i'll go over there right now. just sit down and don't move."

the call ends there and i just did as he said. i tried to get my water bottle again to hydrate, but the world around me suddenly went in a motion blur, and before i could even process that, the world was pitch black.